There are a lot of reasons I want to grow up to be Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls — her style, her sense of humor, her pizza ordering skills — but mostly, it's because she's good at one of the things I'm worst at: Saying the exact right thing at the exact right moment. Regardless of the situation, Lorelai is always 100 percent ready with the perfect witty or biting comeback right on cue, where as I suffer from coming up with that perfect comeback hours or sometimes days afterwards. Not Lorelai, though. Whether she's in an argument with Emily, bantering with Luke, or simply being the charming, caffeine-fueled individual we all know and love in her every day life, her words are always on point. Comeback queen Lorelai Gilmore is the best at, well, talking and I am eternally jealous.
It was a difficult task to pick the best comebacks out of seven seasons of goodness, but I managed to narrow it down to 13, although this list could easily have been 113. Here's hoping that, with enough Gilmore Girls marathons, I too can absorb her powers and become as witty and perfect as Lorelai. Until then? We must all bask in her unmatched glory.
1. "I find nothing exciting before 11:30."
It's appropriate that Lorelai was talking about the Harvard vs. Yale game, because I especially do not find sports exciting before 11:30.
2. "Yes, I hope I'm not pregnant!"
Lorelai's perfect response to Taylor's gripes that she was late to a town hall meeting, obviously leaving him speechless.
3. "I still can't get over that I'm related to God."
There's no better way to survive a Friday night dinner than coming up with a conversation that will completely baffle Emily and Richard.
4. "Since I said, 'Gross, what is this?' And you said, 'Avocado.'"
When your mother asks you, "since when did you not like such-and-such food," this is the only proper response.
5. "It's a pretend wedding. J.Lo has them all the time."
To Emily, obviously, when she was freaking out about her vow renewal to Richard after their painful separation.
6. "I'd like that on my tombstone, please."
Lorelai's answer to Emily calling her "crude and unprofessional." Also, same.
7. "Hello, Headmaster Charleston. This is my stepfather, Kirk. Please don't make any sudden movements. He's a fear biter."
This was Lorelai explaining why she couldn't date Kirk, but I'm on Rory's side. He would have loved her dress with the ponies.
8. "Well, we like our Internet slow. We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich."
Things you just can't do with DSL.
9. "It's OK, I don't like when people talk to me when I'm watching TV, either."
That's definitely what Gigi was doing when she straight up ignored Lorelai in favor of the television.
10. "No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters."
For the record, Emily, "hello" is not too forward.
11. "My existence?"
Lorelai to Emily, when she told her something was a "complete disaster." A+
12. "Pot roast?"
After Rory told Lorelai she should walk down the aisle with something that smells good. She's not wrong.
13. "I love that we always have that option."
That option being marrying rich, of course. Amen! Keep on being you Lorelai, and I'll keep on trying to be you.