11 Disney Princesses Ranked By What Kind Of Best Friend They'd Be To You
Monday, June 8, 2015 is the most friendly day of the year — literally, because it marks the celebration of National Best Friend Day. Whether you knew that or not, I'm sure some of you have your best friend nearby, ready to celebrate the day with secret handshakes, inside jokes, and deep, tearful conversations. (Or just wine and Netflix. Do your thang.) But I'm sure there are at least a few of you shmucks out there, like me, whose best friends are far from them today. That's one of the terrible things about being an adult human in the world — that sometimes you have to live and have a job in a different city than your platonic other half. It's the worst.
But, instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself as other BFFs skip around hand in hand, sharing the same milkshake out of two straws, I'm going to make the most of it. And the way I'm going to do that is by imagining myself a placeholder best friend, in the form of a Disney princess. And since I have 11 to choose from, I'm gonna have to separate them somehow, like by what kind of a best friend they'd be to me.
So get your resumes ready, ladies, because this position is going to be hard to fill, even for a day.
11. The One Who's Only Ever Half Paying Attention To What You're Saying
... because she has her nose in a book. She means well, but you can't help but notice that most of the advice that Belle gives you about your boy troubles is pulled directly from literature. "Dress up like a man and trick him into falling in love with you!" You're sweet, Belle, but no.
10. The Beautiful Naive One
You know that friend who kind of drifts through life and really terrible things almost happen to them, but then somehow she comes out OK? Oops, I got to the airport without my passport but they let me get on a plane anyway! Yikes, I lose my phone every weekend, but I always get it back! Oh brother, I ate a poisoned apple that an old hag gave me, and I was legally dead, but then I came back to life! That's Snow White. Maybe because she's so beautiful, maybe because she's just lucky, but the girl just glides through unscathed. Very odd group of friends from college though.
9. The One The Guys Are Crazy For
Listen, she can't explain it, but Aurora is that friend of yours that the dudes just go nuts for. People she's never even met will cross a bar to buy her a drink, offer to let her borrow their car for a cross-country road trip, or hack their way through brambles and a fire-breathing dragon to kiss her ONE TIME. Meanwhile, you can't even get a second date. It's a good thing Aurora hasn't let all this go to her head, otherwise she'd be insufferable to be around.
8. The Eternal Optimist
Yo, Rapunzel has been through some stuff, and somehow she's still there for you? That's a friend you keep for life. She's so good at comforting you and is in such a good mood all the time that sometimes you forget she spent her entire childhood locked in a tower with an emotionally abusive, manipulative witch for a mother! Give your gal a hug, and the number of your therapist to unbury some of those emotions that she's been tamping down for years.
7. The Selfless Caregiver
If anyone else did the same things for you that this girl did, she'd be a resentful martyr, but Cinderella seriously seems to love it. Nothing makes her happier than sending out an invitation to her birthday party that includes the line "your presence is my present."
6. The One Who's Rich And Incredibly Generous
Ariel is ocean royalty, so she has no problem lending you whatever you need whenever you need it. And, yes, that includes her voice.
5. The Witty Only Child
Jasmine grew up with only a tiger as company, so she's for sure a bit odd, but in the best way possible. She's smart, down-to-earth, hilarious, and she sees right through all your BS to the real issue. Having to sneak into the marketplace to have any human contact gets rid of your pretentions real quick.
4. The Ride Or Die Bestie
Mulan is the perfect BFF to have next to you when someone shoves you on a crowded train or catcalls you in your neighborhood. She'll have your back so fast their heads will be spinning.
3. The One Who Has It All The Way Together
You spend so much time at Tiana's apartment that it might as well be your own. It's just that she's so good at cooking, and such a good host, and her place is so clean, and her bed is so soft, and please don't make me ever go home.
2. The Human Encyclopedia
Pocahontas should be first on your list of phone-a-friends if ever you went on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, because she just. knows. everything. She recognizes every species of plant or animal that you come across on your nature hikes, and she can rattle off literally every color of the wind like it's nothing.
1. Your Partner In Crime
Merida is the one you want to call when you're in the mood for a hike or a horseback ride or some other outdoorsy adventure where you don't mind getting dirty. Just be warned that she's as mischievous and competitive as she is talented at every single activity, so challenge her at your own risk, knowing that your day will end with the two of you bruised and battered, but still cracking up.
Images: Disney; Giphy (11)