7 Tips For Wedding Season Hookups, Because The Bride And Groom Aren't The Only Ones Getting Laid
If your uber romantic Facebook feed and fridge littered with old Save The Dates is any indication, we're waist deep in wedding season — or, as I like to call it, wedding hookup season. While the engaged approach their moment of matrimonial bliss and the hopeless romantics succumb to their rollercoaster of emotions, the single prepare to enjoy the company of a hot stranger they encounter during the cloistered confines of a carefully curated party.
Of the many kinds of hookups in this world, the wedding hookup holds a special spot in the hookup hall of fame. A panoply of films have documented this kind of entanglement ad nauseam — often depicting its unsavory results — but your matrimonial meet cute doesn't have to be this way as long, as you follow a few time tested rules. And by time tested, I mean, things I've learned from my own hard won experience and from watching friends do the pre- and post-ceremonial deed. I've seen wedding hookups go down from both sides of the aisle, so to speak, so I know how important it is that you respect the couple getting married, but also enjoy the hell out of your friend's/sister's/co-worker's wedding weekend. Here are seven tips to keep your wedding hookups on the up and up:
1. Do a brief background check pre-hookup
Normally, you don't have the luxury of being surrounded by folks who have the lowdown on a potential hookup partner. Beyond figuring out if a dude is worth getting with on a short-term basis, you don't want to cause any interpersonal disasters at the wedding, so a vetting process is crucial. Finding out if he's the bride's ex-boyfriend, the groom's married brother whose wife is at home with their new baby, or maybe even your second cousin twice removed (whatever that means) will save you a whole lot of face palm the next day.
2. Don't get too drunk
This should go without saying (if only because you want to enjoy and remember the actual hookup itself), but in a marital setting it's important to keep your wits about you. Getting too hammered can lead to poor judgement calls, missing vital wedding events because you're still in the sack with said dude, and, goddess forbid, maybe even puking on your fancy new weddin' shoes. So if there's one time to put down that fifth vodka soda, now is that time.
3. Don't neglect your friends/family because you're caught up
Even if your object of desire is so incredibly dreamy and you might only have this weekend before you never see each other ever again, please don't forget you are at this wedding to celebrate someone you presumably care about and have known much longer than your flavor of the weekend. It's so hard to resist the urge to make out in the bathroom all night, but try your best to get your shit together and spread your attentions a little more evenly.
4. Be discreet
Come to terms with the fact that this wedding has not been held solely so you can get some. (Wouldn't it be cool if it was though?!) While the bride and groom will (hopefully) be thrilled about your multiple orgasms, it's best not to detract from their experience and broadcast your comings and goings to them mid-wedding. Save it for later. They'll love hearing about it after the intensity of the day has worn off.
5. Don't do a "walk of awesome" to any of the wedding events
So you're doing a good job of not verbally telling the bride, groom, and wedding party about your evening's conquests, but it's important to be generally discreet about it too. By that, I mean no walks of awesome (formerly known as walks of shame): do whatever you can to not wear the same outfit that you wore to the wedding afterparty to brunch the next morning. If you absolutely can't help it, at least try to refresh your makeup and not have obvious sex hair.
6. Be prepared for emotional/physical intensity
It might turn out to be a regular old roll in the hay, but chances are, when you're dealing with a wedding hookup, sparks will fly a lot faster. There's something about the emotional intensity of the event and the palpable levels of romance in the air that makes everything electric. Be prepared for a heightened sense of well, everything, during your rendezvous.
7. Above all: enjoy yourself
The key to enjoying your wedding hookup is not letting your friends/family/whomever that might get wind of it shame you for grabbing some well-deserved pleasure. As long as you play by the above rules and have respect for the event you're attending, a little side action never hurt anyone.
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