Have you ever experienced that feeling where you're watching an older movie — like from the '90s, so ancient — and the whole plot is based around a problem that could have been solved by a simple phone call, if only cell phones had been invented a few years earlier? That's how I feel when I watch the trailer for the upcoming TV series Scream. Except, in this case, what they need isn't a cell phone... it's parents.
The show is based on the 1996 movie of the same name, and premieres June 30 at 10:00 p.m., which gives us plenty of time until then to wonder WHERE THESE KIDS' PARENTS ARE. In scene after scene of the new trailer that just dropped on Monday, I'm like, yeah, of course a 16 year old would act that way, which is why there are normally one or more adults hanging out near one, making sure they don't get themselves murdered or whatever. Those people are typically called "parents," and I find they are quite effective in the arena of Keeping Kids Alive, but there are none to be seen in this trailer.
It's all empty houses and empty garages and deserted lakes, and murder murder murder. So, in the absence of any biological parents, I've decided to take the parenting of these teenagers onto my own blogging shoulders. Here we go.
What, do they not make doors with peepholes anymore? You really gotta open it all the way up and then step outside to see if anyone's on the porch?
Surely, if your parents were home, they would've closed the curtains on the floor-to-ceiling windows so no one could scope your costume change.
But you're right. Now that you've been sent a video of yourself undressing in essentially realtime, this is the perfect moment to follow through with your plans to take a dip. Definitely don't call the cops.
Electronics are expensive, young lady. PLEASE DON'T HAVE THEM BY THE POOL HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU. I'm not made of money.
Didn't anyone ever sit across from you at the dinner table and tell you to "get a haircut, you hippie?" My parents have said that exact phrase to me way too many times...
UNDERAGE DRINKING! BIG NO-NO!
Did you forget to turn the floodlight on again? Because there's like, a shrouded creature roaming around out there, and nothing is turning on.
Hey, don't forget to wear your glasses, because the bad guy is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and you're just chattering away on the phone.
Young man, who taught you to speak like such a detached psychopath?
Young lady, is that seriously what you're wearing to bed? Where are your normal person pajamas?
I know you're not just carrying a knife around bare without a case. You could hurt someone, you silly serial killer!
Get those bloody hands off my clean glass skylight.
Just don't be in a dark room ever at this point. All your friends are dying and you know better.
Check out the trailer below.
Image: YouTube (13)