Excuse me for a moment while I go bang my head against a wall — Mercury retrograde is still in full effect, and that means even the tiniest tasks seem like the world's toughest struggles as we mere mortals find ourselves at the mercy of the universe. Even if you don't totally buy into astrology, there's no denying that these last few weeks have been particularly brutal. The planet Mercury, thought to rule over matters of communication, travel, and rational thinking, slows its orbit roughly three times a year, and when that happens it looks like it's moving backwards in the sky. It's not — but the seeming switch in direction tends to cause all kinds of chaos in the cosmos, especially when it comes to those areas that fall under Mercury's control. Suddenly you find yourself moody, cranky, and ultimately incapable of expressing yourself in a way that makes sense, and guys? It's the worst.
The good news? It's not just you! No matter what your zodiac sign, everyone seems to suffer during Mercury retrograde. The bad news? No one is safe — and even though Mercury retrograde periods typically only last for three weeks at a time, it's long enough to have you feeling like you're going completely insane. You're not, of course. It's just the universe messing with your mind, and while you're at its whim, these seemingly normal, everyday tasks that are usually no big deal suddenly become impossible. Good luck! You're going to need it.
1. You have no idea what you want for lunch
You know you're hungry. You know it's lunchtime. And yet, when your coworker asks you what you're in the mood for, you honestly have no idea. This never happens to you. Usually, you're the person people turn to for restaurant recs because you're just so freaking good at it. But with Mercury in retrograde, even the smallest of decisions suddenly seems impossible, and not only are you hangry, you're totally at a loss.
2. Texting becomes the ultimate struggle
Autocorrect is the bane of your existence even when the planets aren't conspiring against you. And now that Mercury has decided to make a mess out of pretty much everything, you can't seem to get your thumbs to punch out a sentence that actually makes sense. Emojis become your go-to means of communication, until your best friend (who is also suffering from Mercury-induced mood swings, mind you) tells you she has no idea what the hell you're trying to say with your string of kissy faces, praise hands, and pizza signs — can you please just talk like a grownup?
3. Getting to work in the morning is basically impossible
With Mercury in retrograde, astrologists warn us to avoid making any major travel plans — cuz chances are they're gonna lead to minor disaster. Unfortunately, you still have to go to work in the morning. Your commute was already heinous to begin with, and now it seems completely impossible. Driving to work? Prepare to hit every red light. Taking public transportation? Better bring something to read, because girl there are gonna be delays.
4. Meeting a friend for a quick drink becomes the biggest challenge of your life
With life feeling so wacky lately, you could definitely use a drink (or two, or three). You and your friend make plans to meet up for happy hour after work at your favorite spot, except apparently you're operating under two different time zones because she waltzes in an hour after you've been waiting for her at the bar, pounding a glass of wine and wondering why people always let you down. It's a little dramatic, yeah, but #mercuryretrograde.
5. Avoiding your ex is no longer a thing you're capable of doing
You've been so good at cutting off contact with this person since your relationship came to a crashing halt three months ago, and now, for reasons you can't explain, you're shooting over a text message "just to say hi." WHY?! With Mercury in retrograde, people from your past tend to pop up, and depending on how you ended your relationship, things can get... a little interesting.
6. Staying chill is not an option
You like to think of yourself as a calm, rational person, but all of a sudden you are an anxious, twitchy, emotional mess who refuses to get her sh*t together. Your boss asks you for an update on a project you've been working on, and you assume it's because you're the world's slowest employee who's about to get fired at any second. You leave your apartment in the morning only to turn around again to double, triple check that you didn't leave your curling iron plugged in. Someone bumps into you on the sidewalk, and you wonder how humans can be so terrible and awful and rude.
7. Flirting becomes a total disaster
Usually when you're awkward around someone you like, it comes off as endearing. Right now? It comes off as, well, awkward. It's not your fault you're so tongue-tied all of a sudden — fate just doesn't want you to find love at the moment.
8. Rational thinking goes out the window
... and it's not going to return until Mercury goes direct. I'd tell you to relax and just let the universe take its course, but I know that's more or less impossible, so I'll leave you with this — at least this is all just temporary.