Back in my hometown, there are two kinds of families: Red Lobster biscuit people, or the weirdos who prefer Olive Garden breadsticks. It's a debate that has raged on for generations, ruining several of my middle school friendships in the process, but as of yesterday, BuzzFeed's "Free Restaurant Bread Taste Test" has finally put the matter to rest. The eight lucky participants in the video were given samples of free bread from six chain restaurants and asked to vote for the best, which, by the way, happens to be the fulfillment of every wildest dream I've ever had. (BuzzFeed, are you listening? Because I selflessly volunteer my services for any similar bread-related endeavors in the future.) First up was the Cheesecake Factory's Honey Whole Wheat bread, which one judge described as "bread you eat the inside out of." The general consensus seemed to be that while the bread wasn't bad, it was just too healthy to be a real winner. The next contender, Mimi's Cafe Carrot Raisin Nut bread, was similarly mediocre, probably because raisins are disgustingly sweet bits of shriveled grape and should never be used in food. Those are my words, not the judges', although one guy said he didn't like raisins because "you think it's chocolate and then it's not." Truer words have never been spoken.
Next up was Olive Garden's infamous breadsticks, which were instantly recognizable to the judges. Unfortunately for Olive Garden, however, they didn't quite live up to expectations. "It looks like it would be, like, somewhat good, but it's just disappointing," grumbled one judge. The fourth bread, on the other hand, was surprisingly well-received; one guy described Outback Steakhouse's Honey Wheat Bushman bread as a "pleasant surprise."
Texas Roadhouse's rolls got the best reviews of the lot... until the judges tried Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits, of course. One woman called them "bread heaven," although I'd say the most eloquent reaction was the guy who just slammed his fist on the table in happiness.
Texas Roadhouse's rolls managed to get three votes in the end, but Red Lobster was ultimately crowned the winner, of course. Although bear in mind that the logo seen here is actually Red Lobster's old logo; the current one looks like this:
Just, you know, FYI. Anyway, check out the video below:
Images: BuzzFeed Video/YouTube (2); Red Lobster