The much-anticipated and highly glitter-bombed Victoria's Secret Fashion Show took place on Wednesday night. In 30 words or fewer: Taylor Swift performed, Candice Swanepoel wore a bra worth a cool $10 million, and the dudes from Fall Out Boy looked very, very short beside the models. It was all wings, legs, fairy dust, but we know exactly what you're thinking this morning: "How in the world do I style a $10 million fantasy bra? What's the best clutch to pair with my 13-foot angel wings? And do you have any tips for wearing a see-through body stocking to the office?"
To some, the Victoria's Secret show is a "fantasy," but to our industry-hardened eyes, it's just another ready-to-wear collection. As they say, "If you can't beat them, dress like them." Or is it "Dress for the modeling job you don't have?" Either way we've got a closet full of angel wings over here, and we know exactly where to wear them.
Psychadelic Superhero Boots
Given Karlie Kloss' enthusiastic smile, we can only assume that this colorful, kid-friendly get-up is intended to be worn during one's substitute teaching gig at the local kindergarden. Can you find four different shapes on Miss Karlie's wings?
As December creeps closer and closer, we're taking extra care to stock up on sensible cold-weather staples. Why wear one muff when you could wear two?
An "OMG" Cheerleader Skirt
This is what creepily hot moms wear when they're trying to "blend in" with the highschool cool crowd. So naturally, it's what we wear when we're trying to "blend in" with the creepily hot moms.
Cleaning Lady Gloves
Someone once told us, "Dress for the job you have, not for the job you want," so this is what we usually wear when trying to pay off our student loans.
A Glittery Bodystocking
This is our go-to look for those times when we bring the party to a screeching halt and force everyone to watch us perform the "Toxic" music video.
Wearable Body Smoke
This is what we wear when we want people to think we don't really exist. Useful for creeping in and out of big parties and stealing the cheese plate.
Black Wings of Death
And this is what we wear when we want to give children nightmares.
A Business Suit
Here, we have our go-to look for an elegant dinner with the investors. Watch fob? Check!
Oh boy, this brings back memories of the first time we tried out for the VS show. We wore our homemade wings backward and everyone immediately knew we were amateurs. This poor, poor girl.
A Little Piece of History
Funny, this is exactly what we wore to console the British redcoats after they lost the Revolutionary War!
Checks for Days
Surely there are many reasons to impersonate a race car driver. When we think of one, we've already got the outfit ready.
How we think we look when we're walking around full of righteous anger.
All the Things
This is what happens when Coco Chanel says "Before leaving the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory," and we're like, "NO, MOM!" and put ten more on.
This is what happens when someone lets us loose in the store marked "DREAMCATCHERS: 2 FOR 1 SALE."
This is what we throw on when we just don't feel like the world is giving us enough attention.
The Uniform of the Windsor Guard, Remixed
And they said we could never make the Queen's Guard smile...
Mama said there'd be days like this, so we bought a practical raincoat and matching hat.
Evil Red Wings
And this is what we wear when we drunkenly make a bet with the Devil that we can beat him in a violin playing contest and totally forget that we don't know how to play the violin at all and decide to show up for the bet anyway.