Rewatching 'Sixteen Candles' As A Grown Up Rules

by Rachel Semigran

There is something special about John Hughes' films. He set the standard in the '80s and '90s for comedies with big, squishy hearts. If you have a favorite comedy that makes you cry as much — if not more — as it makes you laugh, then John hughes probably wrote and directed it. When it comes to the late, great director's work there are few films I related to as much in my adolescence as Sixteen Candles. I was a bit of an outsider who sometimes felt a little invisible — especially when it came to dating and boys. Sixteen Candles was, at least for me, the ultimate Cinderella story — a romance in which the uncool girl gets the guy just by being herself. Even as a teenager, it felt a lot more real to me than all of the comedies out there that are about nerdy guys trying to have sex with hot chicks.

Even though Sixteen Candles was released two years before I was born, it was a big part of how I grew up. When other tweens were plastering pics of Jonathan Taylor Thomas all over their walls, I was dreaming about Jake Ryan (which now explains a lot about my thing for guys in plaid). Sure, Sixteen Candles pulled at my heartstrings during those awkward pubescent years, but would it still deliver now at the age of 28? Here are some thoughts I had while watching Sixteen Candles twelve years after my own 16th birthday:

1. Girl, Just Say It's Your Birthday

It's your family... obnoxiously remind them of your birthday during every waking moment.

2. How Is Molly Rindwald an Outsider? She's Fly

Look at that style!

3. I Died For that Phone As a Kid

Getting a phone in your room was the absolute most.

4. How Did this Movie Get Away With Long Duk Dong?

Even for the '80s this character was so racially insensitive!



6. Are The Kids Still Passing Notes Like This?

Guh. Nightmares. Flahbacks to how awful high school was.


You majestic creature, you.

8. Does Anthony Michael Hall Even Have a Name in This Movie?

Farmer Ted, was it? But hey...John Cusack!

9. Oh Right, The Internet Didn't Exist

Save these poor souls.

10. Seriously, Just Tell Everyone It's Your Birthday

It's a lot easier than being this miserable.

11. But Hey At Least Your Dad Is Cool


Look at all of that wasted pizza!

13. Let's Take Another Moment To Appreciate Jake Ryan's Perfection

Thank you for ruining all men for me.

14. Who Uses Scissors When They're Drunk?!

Come on!

15. There Are Some Serious Consent Issues Going On Here

She was essentially taken in a car with a stranger while passed out... and the deal was bartered with Sam's underwear! Yuck.

16. Getting Blocked By Your Grandparents: A New Low

Okay Sam, I kinda agree...your day is terrible.

17. Why Do Entire Extended Families Always Sleep In The Same House in Movies?

It's a wedding...get a hotel.

18. Wait, Why is Anyone Letting Ginny Get Married While She's Totally Out Of It?


If only this awaited after every wedding. Sheesh.

20. This

"Make a wish."

"It already came true."

UUUUUGGGGH. Someone please pick me up because I am a puddle on the floor.

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