If Presidential Candidates Played Baseball, It's Crystal Clear Who Would Be The Waterboy
The annual congressional baseball game was a home run (pun intended) on Thursday. Republicans and Democrats faced each other at Nationals Park to see who would take the coveted Congressional Baseball Game for Charity win (Democrats vanquished the GOP with a final score of 5-2, according to Politico). Even President Obama dropped by as a last-minute spectator, and make no mistake, the abilities of a good baseball player also often make a good president: works well on a team, communicates clearly, keeps his or her eye on the ball. Maybe we should start analyzing candidates based on where they would fit best on the diamond.
The Congressional Baseball Game for Charity is a time-honored tradition that dates back to 1909, according to the event's website. The game has interfered with congressional work before; in 1914, the speaker sent the sergeant at arms to fetch the legislators back to the Capitol.
The Democrats have won the game for the past seven years, though the politicians have only collected full game statistics since 2009, according to The New York Times. The teams played to support Washington D.C. charities like the Washington Literacy Center, the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Washington, and the Nationals Dream Foundation.
Politicians have proved their mettle as athletes at this event, but shouldn't presidential candidates be held to the same standards? Here's a breakdown of where we think the 2016 presidential candidates would best play on the field:
Obviously, defense is very important to Graham, so he would be catcher for sure. The South Carolina senator is a favorite of the NRA and closely associated with legislation that fights gun control. Homeland (or home plate) security is obviously a big priority for him.
Clinton would make a brilliant cleanup hitter. After presidents such as her husband and Barack Obama start the lineup and get on base, Clinton could bat next and give the country a grand slam.
It's unclear which position the Republican would play, but we know which team she would play for: the New York Yankees. The former Hewlett-Packard CEO represents big business and has a net worth of $80 million, according to CNN. A team like this one can skate by on wealth, buying the best players, while remaining somewhat mismanaged.
Huckabee, with his experience as a Fox News commentator, would not be on the field but in the press box, doing the game's commentary. We'd rather have him up there, chewing on a hot dog and comparing homosexuality to drinking and swearing, rather than on the field anyway.
Carson would play in the area in which he's obviously the most comfortable: left field. The Republican neurosurgeon has a record of making alarming, controversial statements that seemingly come from nowhere.
O'Malley has spot-on aim when it comes to social issues, making him a good choice for pitcher. The former Maryland governor has worked for women's issues, the legalization of gay marriage, and the repeal of the death penalty. When Obama needs a rest, O'Malley could be the Democratic Party's choice for a reliever.
As someone who likes to stand in the middle of two bases, Rubio would be the Republicans' shortstop. Rubio said in May that he would not have authorized the Iraq invasion of 2003, but this contradicts his March comments that that the Iraq war was not a mistake, according to The Washington Post. He's been accused of flip-flopping on other issues such as immigration. The candidate should beware. Switching sides is a dangerous game in politics, lest he get caught in a pickle.
Although Christie is not yet a presidential candidate, the Republicans need him on their side as a mascot of sorts. Christie is clearly the water boy of American politics, traveling around the country as if he's part of the team (or a presidential candidate) without being on the roster. Cheer up, Chris. If Adam Sandler's character could make it, maybe you can too.
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