Sometimes, a date is all about great conversation and hearts and flowers. But sometimes it's all about chemical attraction, and a lost few hours in time, and that becomes a one-night stand. Sometimes, no-strings-attached sex can be incredibly liberating and fun — there are plenty of benefits of one-night stands. But sometimes, it doesn't always feel that way the next morning because it's easy to think it's something we're not "supposed" to do.
It’s time to stop torturing ourselves, says sex expert Laurel House, author of Screwing The Rules: The No Games Guide To Love. The deed is done. "And you know what? It was damn fun!" So what’s the deal with the dramatic mood shift from utter bliss to head-down shame?
We're all grownups here. You know what you want, I know what I want. It doesn't have to be love right this minute. "One-night stands are OK if hooking up for fun aligns with your values, your needs, your wants, your desires at this point in your life. If you're a consenting adult, there's really no reason you should be shamed for enjoying no-strings sex," says Andrea Syrtash, Relationship Expert and Co-Author of It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked.
"There are some occasions where a one-night stand may be exactly what a woman is looking for. Perhaps she's ended a long-term relationship and is looking for fun without commitment at this stage, or she's on vacation and wants to have a fun adventure. If she practices safe sex and knows that she won't regret the decision (this is key!), nobody should tell her what she 'should' do," says Syrtash.
Stop Calling It The Walk Of Shame
First off, let's get the word "shame" out of the morning-after since sex is not shameful. Here are some sex-positive ideas to use instead, because you deserve more of a Stride of Pride .
"The "walk of shame" isn’t always coming from the clutches of someone who you only met the night before, whose name you can’t remember, and whose number you didn’t get. It can also happen after, Scenario #2: a date that was planned, proper, and ended exactly as expected — in his [or her] bed. It can even occur after, Scenario #3: staying the night at your boyfriend’s [or girlfriend's] house — something you regularly do," says House.
Whether you're leaving your boyfriend or girlfriend's house or a one-night stand's apartment, don’t have to succumb to the shame on the way out. After all, it’s really not that big of a deal. If you're a consenting adult who's did something you wanted to do and it makes you happy, then go you.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.