Your Favorite Britney Spears Music Video Based On Your Astrological Sign
Britney Spears didn't invent the music video, but, in my world, she may as well have. Spears' music videos were the first to get me hooked on the multimedia art form, and also the first videos that made me actually consider buying a red latex catsuit. (Surprisingly, it's not all that easy to track down the "Oops!... I Did It Again" costumes at Forever 21.) Spears may be pop's reigning princess (no amount of career lows can remove that shiny crown from her bleached-blonde head), but she also deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award for her video performances. Someone start etching that plaque ASAP.
One of my favorite things about Spears' music videos is that they are all so wildly different from one another, even when it comes to videos for songs on the same album or around the same time period. Spears is a creature of reinvention, so it's no surprise that she achieves a completely different look, tone, and mood with each video she shoots.
So, how can you pick a favorite Spears' music video? Well, you could follow this handy dandy definitive ranking of Spears' best music videos (full disclosure: it was made by yours truly) or you could look to your astrological sign. Yes, the Spears music video you love the most may be able to be predicted by the stars, because that's just science, people. Here's what your sign is telling you to watch on repeat.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" (2001)
Aquarius is an introspective, thoughtful sign that spends a great deal of time pondering life's big questions. That's pretty much all Spears does in the music video for "I'm Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman," which takes place on what I only imagine Spears calls her "thinking rock."
Pisces (February 19 — March 20): "Perfume" (2013)
Though Pisces are smart, they also tend to trust people quite easily — probably because they themselves are so trustworthy. "Perfume" is the story of a woman trying to trust her man, but he ends up cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend.
Aries (March 21 — April 19): "Do Somethin'" (2004)
Aries are fun, fiery, and spontaneous, just like Spears is in her "Do Somethin'" video. You know that Aries would be the first sign to test out a flying pink Hummer.
Taurus (April 20 — May 20): "Me Against The Music" (2003)
This sign, which is represented by the bull, has the strength and stamina to take down anyone in a competition — or, in the case of the "Me Against The Music" video, a dance battle against Madonna.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20): "Toxic" (2003)
This charismatic sign is often described as having a "dual nature," which fits perfectly with the "Toxic" video. Not only does Spears seduce people left and right in this video, she also transforms herself into a variety of people — something that a Gemini might be able to relate to.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22): "Everytime" (2003)
The sensitive, sometimes moody Cancer should love the video for "Everytime," which also plays on their more traditional values of family and home life. In this video, Spears is bucking fame in favor of a relationship with her one true love — something a Cancer might understand.
Leo (July 23 — August 22): "Stronger" (2000)
The prideful, confident Leo is a natural born leader and would no doubt love the badass music video for "Stronger." Spears doesn't take crap from the ex-boyfriend in this one.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22): "Oops!... I Did It Again" (2000)
If you're a Virgo, chances are you find it easy to charm people and get along well with whomever you meet, which may make people unintentionally fall head-over-heels for you... which is pretty much the whole subject of Spears' video for "Oops!... I Did It Again."
Libra (September 23 — October 22): "Lucky" (2000)
Libras like to surround themselves with beauty, and there's plenty to see in the glamorous "Lucky" video. Libras would also appreciate the quiet, secretly introverted nature of Spears' alter-ego Lucky, who resembles how they often interact with the world.
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): "Circus" (2008)
Scorpios understand control and confidence, and they're capable of taking on huge tasks. Scorpios would no doubt appreciate the way Spears runs her "tight ship" in the "Circus" video.
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): "If You Seek Amy" (2008)
This sign needs to channel their built-up energies somewhere, and that includes the bedroom. Sagittarius' can definitely appreciate this sexy, hedonistic video, because, even though they keep loyal lovers, they prefer to roam free.
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): "I Wanna Go" (2011)
Just like Spears in this video, a Capricorn does not take criticism very well, and is prone to lashing out when things get too intense. A Capricorn would handle the press conference probably about as well as Spears does in this video.
These may not actually be your favorite Spears music video, even if you share the sign, but I guarantee you that the video totally represents the kind of person the stars say you are.