"Lust" Vodka Claims To Increase Female Libido, And Yes, It's As Ridiculous As It Sounds
The first female aphrodisiac in cocktail form has arrived, and it's name is about as stupid as you think it would be. "Lust" Vodka claims to boost the libido of women who drink it, which definitely makes it sound like it was developed by scientists who altered traditional vodka on a chemical level to make it interact differently with our neurotransmitters or hormones or something. I don't know, I'm not a scientist.
Apparently, though, neither are the geniuses over at Alko-Plus, the brand that's responsible for Lust Vodka. The only thing that makes this vodka different from all other vodkas is...wait for it... the suggestive power of the name "Lust."
According to a press release:
It all starts with the power of suggestion. Simply due to its name, and human nature's insatiable dependency on the power of suggestion, having a bottle of Lust Vodka on your table naturally increases one's sexual desire, adding emotional elements of anticipation and seduction to the mix.
Right. Definitely. In fact, I've written the word "lust" so many times in this article already that it's amazing I'm not too turned on to focus. How am I sitting here, typing, when the power of suggestion should be overwhelmingly suggesting that I go have lots of crazy sex, like, immediately.
But wait! It gets better! The other ingredient that makes this vodka increase your sex drive is... again, wait for it... alcohol.
Seriously. I can't make this up. Straight from the press release:
The last ingredient in our "aphrodisiac cocktail" is alcohol. Studies have shown that acute alcohol consumption tends to cause increased levels of testosterone and estradiol in women. Since testosterone controls in part the strength of libido in women, this tends to cause an increased interest in sex.
Oh, that makes sense. This vodka turns you on because this vodka has alcohol in it. Maybe if you want your alcohol to get you all hot and bothered you should quit drinking that bullshit virgin vodka you've been drinking.
Now, logically, I understand that there's supposed to be something sexy about alcohol. It's supposed to make you warm and tingly, less self conscious, and much more likely to turn to the dude or gal sitting next to you at the bar (whose eyes are the same golden brown color as the tumbler of scotch in their hand) and suggest that the two of you go find a room somewhere and fuck until daybreak (or at least say "Hi!"). But in practice, I never really see it play out like that. Maybe I'm just friends with idiots, but when we drink, there's nothing sexy about it. It's warm liquor, flat soda, unnecessarily loud frat boys, and dance floor make-outs. Maybe what I really need is some Lust Vodka in my life?
Or maybe, what we need is to stop coming up with gimmicky ways to turn women on. There are all kinds of ways to turn me on (interested parties should inquire directly), but plying me with weird "power of suggestion" vodka is definitely not one of them.