If there was any occasion to throw an entire log of store-bought cookie dough in an oven and dust off a pair of broken-in purple clogs, it’s this: Wednesday, Amy Heckerling told Entertainment Tonight that the Clueless musical is under way. YAAAAAS. Kristin Hanggi (Rock of Ages) has been appointed as the director, a production team has been selected, and Heckerling has written the book for the Broadway adaptation of the iconic ‘90s comedy. Yeah, it could be a little while longer before Cher and her friends hit The Great White Way (Heckerling told ET that the show has yet to be cast), but I'm too busy ridin' the good news wave to worry.
Heckerling revealed to ET that the stage adaptation will be a "jukebox musical," which means it'll feature already-existing popular songs (think Mamma Mia!) rather than an entirely original score. What might those songs be? Heckerling did not say. My mind has been racing ever since.
Will the Clueless musical include movie soundtrack favorites like “Rollin’ With The Homies”, “Supermodel”, “Just A Girl”, “Where’d You Go?”, and “Alright”? Or will the Clueless stage show go with a different batch of songs from the early ‘90s? Or will it utilize movie songs AND other '90s songs?!?! I most certainly do not know the answer to any of those questions. You'd be right to call me clueless.
As sans clue as I am, I couldn't help myself. I brainstormed a list songs that I think would mesh well with the show. You think I would resist an opportunity to revisit music from the early-/mid-'90s? As if! Not to toot my own horn, but I think my guesses reek way less than Amber's designer impostor perfume.
"Today" by the Smashing Pumpkins
Lyric that has me totally buggin': "Today is the greatest/Day I've ever known/Can't live for tomorrow/Tomorrow's much too long"The scene: Cher sings this as she rummages through her high-tech closet before school.
“Stupid Girl” by Garbage
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “You pretend you’re anything/Just to be adored”The scene: Cher and Amber sing this when the audience sees the frenemies cross paths for the first time.
“Creep” by Radiohead
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo/What the hell am I doing here?/I don’t belong here”The scene: Tai sings this on her first day at Bronson Alcott High School.
“Undone” by Weezer
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “If you want to destroy my sweater/Hold this thread as I walk away”The scene: Tai, Cher, and Dionne sing this during the Tai makeover montage.
“The Sign” by Ace of Base
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “I saw the sign and it opened up my mind/And I am happy now living without you/I’ve left you”The scene: Cher sings this when she realizes Elton is crushing on her and asks to be let out of the car.
“Fantasy” by Mariah Carey
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “When I close my eyes/You come and you take me/It’s so deep in my daydreams/But it’s just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby”The scene: Cher sings this when she sees Christian for the first time.
"Excuse Me Mr." by No Doubt
Lyric that has me totally buggin': "So please excuse me Mr./You've got things all wrong/You make it feel like a crime"The scene: OK, I know this song is about an unrequited crush, BUT! With a few tweaks to the lyrics, it couldbe about Cher failing her driving test and not being able to negotiate her way out of it.
"Hold My Hand" by Hootie and the Blowfish
Lyric that has me totally buggin': "See I was wasted, and I was wasting time/'Til I thought about your problems, I thought about your crimes/Then I stood up, and then I screamed aloud/I don't wanna be part of your problems/Don't wanna be part of your crowd, no"The scene: Travis Birkenstock and Tai sing this when they finally get together.
“Wonderwall” by Oasis
Lyric that has me totally buggin': “And all the roads that lead you there were winding/And all the lights that light the way are blinding/There are many things that I would like to say to you/But I don't know how”The scene: Josh and Cher sing this when they realize they’re butt in love with each other.
Image: Paramount Pictures