End A Party With These Songs

by James Tison

The party was a success! All of your closest friends showed up, only two people got obnoxiously drunk, and a few lucky couples made out with each other on your roommate's bed! The thing is, you're getting tired, your neighbor keeps knocking on the door to complain about all the noise, and one of those obnoxious drunks just started vomiting in your backyard. You don't want to just yell at everybody to get out, but you have to make it clear that it's time to go: you need a song to end this party. Fortunately for you, I have a few recommendations for songs that will gently thank your guests for attending... while simultaneously letting them know their presence is no longer desired.

Will a song, on its own, make your guests vacate? No, but it will provide a soothing, on-message soundtrack as you walk around to each person, thanking them for coming and forcefully bidding them adieu. All you have to do is shake their hand, hold eye contact, nod your head, and politely say, "Oh, thank you SO much for coming! When can I see you again?" If they ask, "Oh, is the party over?" simply respond with, "Yeah, unfortunately, but how about that exit music, huh?" Then, slowly, take their drinks, walk them towards the exit, and let the music smooth out any social awkwardness that might have otherwise occurred.

On that note, here are seven songs to help you end your epic rager:

"Thank You For The Music" — ABBA

For some reason, this song actually sounds like ABBA saying goodbye to their fans... although I don't think that was their intent. In any case, it'll do the trick.

"Epilogue/Do You Hear The People Sing?" — Les Miserables Soundtrack

Hey, if it can close out a musical as epic as Les Mis , it'll be a fitting finale for your little party.

"I Will Remember You" — Sarah McLachlan

If you play this, you can actually just walk around the party singing along and people will get the hint.

"Get Out Of My House" — Kate Bush

People will be so confused by what's going on in this song that they won't want to be in your home anymore, anyway. It works!

"So Long, Farewell" — The Sound of Music

People will think it's so cute, they won't notice that you're literally pushing them out the front door.

"The Party's Over" — Peggy Lee

Peggy Lee may mean it as a metaphor for a broken relationship, but don't worry — people will pick up on the message behind the song, which is "get out of my house right now."

"Closing Time" — Semisonic

I mean, obviously. If you want to mix it up, however, just sing the song a cappella at the top of your lungs, and marvel at how quickly the room clears out.