As I've entered adulthood, one thing that's become clearer to me than almost anything else is that the secret to happiness is pure, genuine self-love and confidence. That "it girl" factor that is mentioned in countless young adult books and movies? Yeah, that's confidence, plain and simple. When a girl is able to overcome the myriad insecurities that society and the media train us are "inevitable," she can unlock a seriously exciting attitude towards life — including her love life.
Obviously, confidence and arrogance are not one in the same. While confidence radiates and can be infectious, making those around you feel buoyed up by your extreme sense of self, arrogance seeks to undermine those around you with your air of superiority. There's a fine line between a cool sense of confidence and cockiness, but the bottom line is that an exceptionally confident friend/partner will seek to build you up, not tear you down.
I know confidence doesn't always come easy, and lots of women (and men) struggle with self-acceptance, even long after those painful adolescent years. I don't pretend not to know how lucky I am that I've developed a serious sense of self-confidence over the years, and it pains me to know that others (especially close friends) may never be able to feel as happy, whole, and proud of themselves. There's no "crash course" on self-confidence: It takes hard work and determination to learn to love yourself, but when you finally do, life has a new, invigorating feel.
Here are six of the best things about dating someone who seems to have larger-than-life confidence, because loving someone else is more fun when you love yourself first.
1. We Don't Fish for Compliments
We know we look good, OK? There will never be a time when you have to answer a question as mundane as "Does this make me look fat?" because A) I know it doesn't and B) I don't care for your opinion either way. *Hair flip*
2. We're Supportive
Confident people believe in themselves — creatively, professionally, emotionally, et al. The best part about our natural air of confidence is that we still have a lot of energy leftover to support you just as fully. There's nothing more important in a relationship than knowing your partner genuinely believes in you and your abilities, and with a mega-confident person at your side, you can rest assured that they truly mean it when they cheer you on.
3. Trust Comes Easier
This is clearly something that varies from situation to situation, but generally speaking, if you're confident in yourself, you might naturally have more confidence in others, too. Insecurity breeds paranoia, and that can be a major cause of trust issues in a relationship. There's no denying that romantic trust is fragile, but if your partner is a naturally confident gal, gaining that trust might be a little less of a headache in the first place.
4. We're Independent
Though you can certainly be self-confident but not independent (and vice versa), I would be willing to bet that if you're someone who's secure in herself, you have no trouble being on your own. If you're dating someone who's really comfortable with herself, you can feel free to leave her alone at a party without fearing that she will berate you for "abandoning her" later. Go get me a snack and some booze, I'll be over here running this shit.
5. We Don't Always Need to DTR
This may not always be true, especially if the guy or gal we're seeing is flaky or shady in the slightest. But on the whole, being confident means knowing your worth — and with that often comes feeling secure in what others may consider an "undefined" relationship. You know that you're a total catch, so why would you doubt someone else's feelings about you? They'd be stupid to choose someone else over you, so having "the talk" can be put off a little longer, because you know that a happy relationship doesn't mean you have to attach a label ASAP (or at all).
6. The Sex Is Awesome
While real confidence means more than just thinking you're gorgeous (which you are, but whatevs), it's definitely a plus to be with someone who doesn't care how she looks, even under the glare of florescent lighting (See: #1). A confident woman won't have any of that "let's turn the lights off first" bullshit. What's more important, though, is that being confident usually means you don't get embarrassed easily, which can be an amazing quality in the bedroom. If you're down to get a little silly or messy, there's a high probability that the sex (and resultant orgasms) will be explosive. Confident women know that orgasms don't come from "looking hot" during sex; they come from patience and a lot of lube.
Images: Mateus Lunardi Dutra/Flickr; Giphy (6)