How Time Affects Desirability In Relationships

According to a new study, you may be more romantically compatible with a friend than dating someone you just met. The thinking is that early on it’s more about physical attractiveness, but as time goes by and people get to know each other, the attraction to each other is substantiated with other factors. This definitely explains why someone you may first meet might be less than desirable to you, but as you get to know them, they become ridiculously hot, which is something I think we’ve all experienced.

The study out of the University of Texas Austin found that when two people take the time to become friends first, it strengthens their future relationship allowing for greater compatibility, and makes the person “appealing in ways that outshine more easily observable characteristics such as physical attractiveness.” Due to this, the “mating” market can be changed, because those who are most attractive are considered more desirable, but if you’re taking the time to know someone on a friendship level, their desirability is likely to go up over time, too. Then everyone is hot! Sort of.

Not only does waiting to get to know someone as a friend change the way people date, but as the study found, those who had gotten to know each other before dating were also mismatched in attractiveness. In other words, beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder and allows for more opportunities for love, if you're not basing someone solely on their looks.

Beauty aside, here are five other reasons friends make the best lovers.

1. You Start At A Different Level

If you start your relationship as friends, you’ve already shared an intimacy that couples who have just started dating do not. There is no need to “build up” to a certain place of trust. Because of that, you don’t start your sexual relationship at ground zero either.

2. You Have A Greater Chance At A Long-Lasting Relationship

A 2013 study found that those who invest in the friendship side of their relationship are more likely to make their romantic commitment last.

The study of 190 students who had been in a relationship for 18 months at the start of the research were interviewed four months later to see where their relationship was. Of the 27 percent who were no longer together, it was because they hadn’t focused on the friendship end of things. The couples that were still together had built a core friendship and also reported higher levels of love and sexual satisfaction because of it.

3. You Already Know Each Other’s Dating History

Not that your relationship history defines you, but being friends with someone when they’re in relationships with other people gives you an insight that you wouldn’t see if you just started dating immediately after meeting. You’ve learned lessons together about relationships, and they’re lessons you can inject into the relationship that you have with each other.

4. You've Gotten The Messy Stuff Out Of The Way

You already know each other’s friends and family. You accept that they’ll never be a coffee drinker, and they know that you talk non-stop when you’re nervous. They’ve already deciphered exactly what you mean with your emoji-only texts and you’re never uncomfortable around them. You don’t need to talk about the weather to take up awkward silences to get to a place of comfort, because you’ve already done all that.

5. You're Scientifically Compatible

As the study out of University of Texas found, in establishing a friendship you've already proven yourself compatible in one way. If you've reached a point where you're sexually attracted, too, then how could you not be compatible in bed as well?

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