'The Vampire Diaries' Caroline Forbes Has The Worst Taste In Men

Caroline Forbes is never going to get it right until Klaus comes back to Mystic Falls. It's more obvious now than ever. The CW's The Vampire Diaries just won't let its chatty, blonde immortal catch a break. Caroline's trying so hard to do college right, and it turns out that the first guy she tries to hook up with ends up being a science experiment gone wrong. Go figure.

Thursday night's episode featured the triumphant return of recently turned vampire and college biology assistant, Jessie, who also happens to be Caroline's first college conquest. They kissed way back around "Remembrance Day" in Mystic Falls, before Jessie disappeared. (He was being held captive and being treated like a lab rat by Dr. Maxfield and the Augustine mad scientist club.) He and Caroline reunite for a short period of time before he goes off the deep end (too much testing will do that, I guess), and Elena stakes him to death because she's officially a doppelgänger badass. So we can officially add him (even though he's now deceased) to the list of Caroline's poor choices in men:

JESSIE FROM WHITMORE

He had potential to be a complete sweetheart and he actually did seem to like Caroline. Too bad Dr. Maxfield turned him into a vampire and then turned him into a vampire that likes to eat other vampires for dinner. Yes, the Augustines are creating "super vampires" that only feed on their own kind. Unfortunately for Jessie, who was still new to the lifestyle, he didn't learn how to control himself or his impulses, so he needed to die. Caroline needs a more stable man in her life now anyway after dealing with all of that Tyler drama. This never would have worked out.

TYLER LOCKWOOD

Ugh, Tyler and Caroline. Vampire Diaries couldn't have paired two more whiny, self-loathing individuals together. Caroline took care of Tyler, Tyler made Caroline feel pretty enough and smart enough and boosted her confidence. But Tyler was a selfish boyfriend and as much as he loved Caroline, his martyrdom and personal quests for independence and domination made him a useless partner, even for someone with eternal life. It didn't really help that Klaus banned him from Mystic Falls, but when Klaus lifted the ban, he was still too "busy" to answer Caroline's phone calls. Cough — selfish — cough. And even when he did finally decide to show his face again and pick up the phone, he quickly decided that it was more important to go harass Klaus in New Orleans than to mend his relationship with the girl he supposedly "loved." Honestly, I just want to see Klaus rip his head off and end it already, because if Caroline takes him back, it'll be the worst thing she's ever done.

DAMON SALVATORE

Granted, she was compelled during most of their relationship so that she would remain a loyal and willing sex slave/personal food supply, but this coupling was still a poor choice. Damon was still rocking his "more evil than you'd ever want to know" persona when they met, and Caroline went for him because he was older and dangerous. Which I guess is what we all do in high school, right? Maybe not. Either way, this relationship was really effed up and really doesn't cast a good light on Caroline. After all, this all could've been avoided somehow.

MATT DONOVAN

The relationship started poorly: Matt was definitely not over his break-up with Elena when Caroline went after him. Matt was convinced until probably last season that he was meant to be with Elena because they were childhood BFFs. And yet, Caroline thought it'd be good to date him. So really, being on this list isn't Matt's fault — Caroline just tried to snatch him up at a time where he wasn't entirely emotionally available. He could only provide so much reassurance and emotional support for her fragile ego, but he was a nice guy and tried really hard to make her happy. Bad timing on Caroline's part, and I suppose bad timing could be considered bad taste — she did choose a guy that was still pining over a best friend and expected him to be boyfriend of the year.

So Jessie was just the latest in a string of bad choices when it comes to Caroline's male companions. As I sit here crossing my fingers that this is one more sign that Klaus will be "the one" for her, I can't say that I'm complaining or feeling bad. Caroline's love life is turning into an exciting world of possibility.

Image: CW