Matt Damon Has a Ponytail Now — So How Does It Compare To Shia LaBeouf's Rattail?

How do you like them apples? Matt Damon has a ponytail now. Yes, that Matt Damon. Jason Bourne. Oscar-winning screenwriter. One of the biggest leading men of our time is now sporting the hairstyle formerly reserved for biker dudes who want to show their virility with hair peeking out of the helmet, and '80s dads who just wanted to be "groovy." Damon did not even utilize his long locks to indulge the "man-bun" phenomenon, but rather to do his own thing, with a low, bushy pony.

This couldn't be further from the clean-cut, Good Will Hunting guy we know and love. It is as if that extra bundle of hair has thrown him back into a different generation, and aged him twenty years. To think that a man who once held People's Sexiest Man Alive title would overlook his hair growth until it got to that point, and take it upon himself to organize the hair and wrap it together. This is too calculated to be an act of negligence: the ponytail affixed to the head of Matthew Paige Damon appears to be intentional.

Damon's ponytail not only puts him in the company of biker dudes and "cool" dads throughout the nation, but another once hunky actor: Shia LaBeouf.

This is a dangerous age we live in, when action stars have the audacity to sport brutal haircuts. I have, however, come to the conclusion, that Matt Damon's ponytail is significantly less offensive. Here's why:


LaBeouf's ponytail is an affront to the senses at all angles when he moves the braid to the side, so there is no escaping its nastiness. Damon's ponytail is visible from an angle, so if you face it head-on, you might not have to see it.


LaBeouf's is way longer, which just makes it all the more startling. It also suggests that he's been growing it for months. MONTHS. And not once thought, "maybe this isn't the best idea."


Damon's hair looks straight and smooth, while LaBeouf's hair appears to have a mangy texture. It looks like it hasn't been washed in weeks, and if you touch it, your hands might fall off.


LaBeouf's rat tail is complimented by "the Macklemore"/marine shave on either side. The whole look is overwhelming in both its mix-and-match of influences and quite simply, its ugliness.

In conclusion: While Damon's ponytail is shamefully awful, it takes a rattail to put the pony tail in perspective.

Images: Getty Images (4)