What I have to say re: period pain is I am passionately envious of the women who casually say, "Oh, I just never get cramps!" or the women who mention they hardly get their period anymore because they're used to having an IUD. That's lovely for them, and I'm truly happy for their beautifully pain-free journey. I'm not on their level. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that I get very real hot flashes during my period, because I wake up in the middle of the night sweating during my ~time of the month~. Once, when I was about 15, I told my mother (on a particularly painful day of my period) that if having kids hurt more than the pain I was experiencing, I didn't want to have children. She gave me an "lol you don't even know, babe" kind of look and handed me some Midol.
There’s a lot of research and doctors who have told me that going on the pill would make getting my period much more tolerable, and I CALL BULLSH*T. (NB: I am simply whining about my personal experience and have no scientific evidence to back my calling of bullsh*t.) Anyway, enough about me and my coming of age sob story. Here are 9 things you're allowed to be selfish about when you're on your period:
1. Wanting the bed to yourself
I'm sorry, but sharing a bed on your period isn't fun. When you wake up with cramps at 5 a.m. and can't get back to sleep, it's nice to just have your own space to spread your limbs out, cool off and BREATHE. Or, ya know, watch Netflix while lying in bed moaning. It's cathartic.
2. Voicing your annoyance over THE PAIN
Sure, maybe it's not appropriate to announce it in the work place, but when you come home and you just can't deal with getting up this very instant because your cramps are causing you explosive pain, that's acceptable.
3. Skipping a workout
You should never feel selfish for skipping a workout because, hey, it's your body. However, it's especially OK to choose relaxation over pushing your body when you're on your period. Some people say that running will actually alleviate your cramps, and while that may be true, you're also allowed to be repulsed by the sight of tight, confining workout pants while on your period.
4. Using one of your sick days
In high school, more than one doctor told me to just stay home from school on the first day of my period. I was too stubborn to listen and ignored their suggestions. Do you know what happened? I fainted in the middle of AP English. If you need a sick day, take one or work from home if possible.
5. Needing to just be alone
Having hormones and mood swings and just wanting peace and quiet isn't selfish. It's human nature. If you're feeling good about hanging out with yourself and your heating pad, then that's exactly what you should be doing. Silence is golden.
6. Staying in
We're constantly guilted into going out because it's so-and-so's birthday, or we've been so busy lately and haven't seen anyone, etc. Showing up is important, but not always within reach and, honestly, "sorry, but my uterine walls are shedding" is a damn good excuse for not making an appearance at a bar at 11 p.m.
7. Running your errands before anyone else's
If you live with you wife, husband, S.O. or partner, and they desperately need, say, tortillas, but you desperately need enough Aleve to sedate a pony, then guess which one you should get first? Obviously the Aleve.
8. Not wanting to have sex
If you want to get down and dirty while on your period, go for it. Some people are horny AF on their period and they deserve to have a good time. But if you're not in the mood to have sex (or to ~treat your partner~ while your lady parts are out of commission), then your partner shouldn't whine about that. Having serious cramps and a splitting headache isn't always conducive to friskiness.
9. Not sharing your food
Like, no, I don't want to share my quesadilla with you. (Is anyone else noticing a very solid Mexican food trend in this article? Not sorry about it.) It's wonderful if you love sharing food with your S.O. or your roommate, but if you really want to finish your leftovers yourself, without offering them around the room, that's exactly what you should do. Oh, there's still some wine left in the bottle? Finish it.
Images: NBC; Giphy(4)