Here's How Hillary Clinton Is (Probably) Dealing With Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick's Reported Breakup
This is a major kasm in the Kardashian klan. According to various reports from TMZ, Hollywood Life, and others, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick have broken up. The outlets cite Scott's rumored infidelity and hard-partying ways as the reasons behind Kourtney's decision to finally end their nine-year relationship. For nearly a decade, Kourtney and Scott have been perennial fixtures on celeb blogs and in tabloids — so ubiquitous that even political powerhouses like Hillary Clinton have (probably) taken an interest in their love lives. I mean, I'm guessing. Here's how Hillary Clinton would react to Kourtney and Scott's breakup if she has indeed been keeping up with the Kardashians.
While Kourtney was propelled into the spotlight for being part of one of the most famous families in recent history, Scott garnered his own fanbase for being an unapologetically snobby caricature of a society figure — he's like what happens when Patrick Bateman mates with a bottle of pricey cologne. Though the pair never married, Kourtney and Scott have three children together — Mason, 5, Penelope, 2 (she turns 3 on Wednesday), and Reign, 6 months — and have survived more ups and downs than most couples in the limelight.
Besides infidelity, the couple have faced persistent challenges, from Kourtney rejecting Scott's marriage proposal to a male model claiming he was Mason's father, and have even taken breaks a few times — but the two have always been able to work things out. Until now?
It seems like Scott's latest reported indiscretion with stylist Chloe Bartoli, whom he was photographed cuddling with last week, and his never-ending partying could have been the final straw for Kourtney.
In a much more interesting world, no one is more upset about the split than Hillary Clinton, who spat her coffee out when she turned on her iPhone on Monday morning and started browsing Perez Hilton. Here are the nine stages of how Hillary would react to Kourtney and Scott's breakup.
Nah, this can't be true. Nice try, tabloids.
Why is everyone purporting such evil lies?
I don't like this sensation, but I'm starting to think that TMZ's sources are actually solid.
Us Magazine just reported it too? Oh ... my ... God. It's actually ... true?
[Quietly sobs and ignores the 15th call from her campaign manager.] Not now, Robby.
They've survived a paternity test and, like, 27 spinoff shows, but they can't survive a 25-year-old stylist? [Considers asking Robby for Kourtney and Scott's personal cell numbers so she can unload on them.]
What's the point of running a country where love is dead?
I was able to bounce back from Ben and Jen's breakup announcement, and that was less than a week ago. [Sniffs] Maybe I can overcome this too.
Maybe Kourt and Lord Disick are doing the right thing. The kids shouldn't be around all that fighting anyway. Now I can go back to trolling Bernie's Instagram.