Why Scott Disick Is Actually Not The Bad Guy

So it looks like (possibly for real this time) Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick broke up. The Keeping Up With The Kardashian stars’ relationship has been ever-dramatic fodder for tabloid speculation since...forever, but after 3 kids and, like, 400 years together, it looks like the perpetually shaky couple might actually be dissolving for good. While you guys are out there drafting your very best “Good for Kourtney! She deserves better!” tweets, maybe take a moment a consider this view: Kourtney Kardashian is an extremely bad girlfriend who created a relationship dynamic and family environment that made it ultimately impossible for Scott to win, while the Kardashin Media Machine constructed years' worth of a narrative that vilified Scott, belittled him at every turn, and made a joke out of his attempts to be better for her and their children (which, by the way, she decided to have all on her own, despite his repeated expressions of not being ready). In other words, Scott has tirelessly tried to be a good partner and dad, while Kourtney has sat back and said, "...nah," before resuming treating him like garbage and then punishing him for being the wounded, acting out dog it turned him into.

With the glaring caveat that all of this is exclusively my unabashedly judgmental opinion, and that we can obviously never have a complete understanding of what things are really like within that relationship, and that family, nor do we know for sure who left whom, or if this breakup is actually happening at all, assuming that what we know is all there is to know, here are 7 compelling reasons why Scott is undeniably the good guy in his relationship with Kourtney, and why she sucks the most forever:

1. Kourtney treated him like shit

You could argue that Scott does this-and-that to merit the almost comically poor treatment Kourtney habitually subjects Scott to, but when you cast aside how that dysfunctional dynamic plays out for dramatic value on TV, and think about what it actually means for two people in a real relationship, it’s pretty fucked up. Does Scott appear to party more than his partner wants him to? Yes. Does he have a troubled relationship with various substances? Totally. He’s been transparent about those problems, and has openly, repeatedly sought help to deal with them. Is he kind of douchey? Yes, and in fact, he demonstrates more self-awareness than any other member of the Kardashijenner clan by leaning into that character. He knows he’s a dick. It’s his thing. But it's a character, and a joke, and a thin layer of superficial douchiness on top of an easily visible underpinning of abiding love and devotion to Kourtney. There's really no excuse for Kourtney to treat him as poorly as she does, and the fact that her neglectful, alienating, problematic treatment of him has gone on for so many years amid his constant attempts to make her be present for him and to allow him to be present for her...ugh, it's just so sad. It's honestly a bit baffling how it's even conceivable that Scott is viewed as the unkind one in this relationship.

2. He seemed very cut out of family planning

Scott and Kourtney have three kids. And with all three kids, Scott has seemed completely blindsided by news of their impending arrival. Kourtney has seemed...less surprised. Look, I’m not asserting that Kourtney knowingly keeps getting pregnant on purpose behind Scott’s back. (I’m also not not saying that.) Maybe she is equally surprised by each pregnancy but has had time to process it before we see her reaction. But given how, after the birth of each kid, Kourtney repeatedly says things to indicate the inevitability of future children, and how blithely she brushes off Scott’s very sincere panic at the notion of adding to their brood, it all comes together to paint the picture of a relationship where one partner is unilaterally making HUGE choices about their family without even the slightest consideration for the abject fear and discomfort of the other. It's such a horrifically selfish, dangerous way to build a family, which everyone in Kourtney's life seems keen to brush off as "Oh, that's just Kourt!" But then those same people swiftly judge Scott for stumbling to come to terms with all of this being thrust upon him, and unforgivingly criticize him when he's less-than-perfect in adjusting to all the new responsibility. How is it possible that Scott openly processing his stress upon expecting each new child is seen as more egregious than Kourtney's utterly reckless family planning practices?

3. He worked hard at their relationship (and Kourtney has not)

A running line of jokes on KUWTK center around Kourtney coldly shutting Scott out of any semblance of an intimate connection, and Scott being sad about it. If what we’re presented with on the show is any indication of reality, their relationship basically looks like this: Scott trying to find ways to reconnect/spend time with Kourtney, her thinking it’s funny to reject him, her completely neglecting to tend to his needs while mandating that he shape his life in deference to hers, and Scott attempting to improve their relationship by many different approaches (vacations together, romantic date nights, therapy, team building exercises) only to have Kourtney blatantly refuse either to show up at all or to put any real energy into things if she does. Meanwhile, the number of kids and subsequent responsibilities keep piling up, Scott hurtling along with them, seemingly without any real power or autonomy or say in the growth of his family, with a partner who appears to be completely emotionally checked out, who mocks his attempts at being close with her, and who pays the most attention to him when judging/punishing him for any misstep. Which brings us to…

4. Kourtney sets him up for failure

OK, clearly each person is ultimately responsible for their choices. I’m not taking away from that. I’m not here to pass judgment on how much time Scott spends partying, or traveling, or whatever, because whether or not those things make him a “good” or “bad” parent are completely dependent on how well his kids are taken care of, and the proportion of time he spends away from them compared to time with them, and honestly, those are not fixed ratios by which we can measure someone’s value as a parent, and above all of that, we have to keep in mind that we can never know the reality of Scott’s life and his presence in his kids’ lives because we’re getting all of our information either through the Kardashian-curated narrative portrayed in their shows, or the tabloid media, neither of which has any real chance of presenting these relationships with any semblance of accuracy. THAT SAID, Kourtney really seems to relish pushing Scott to the absolute limit: She is, by all perceivable measure, the worst girlfriend in the world, she shames him for taking any time for himself (which is an essential and healthy thing for any parent), waits for him to snap, run away, and overindulge, and then threatens to excommunicate him from the family.

TL;DR - Kourtney and Scott have a very “you’re a bad dog! *kick*” dynamic going on that Kourtney not only seems comfortable with, and not only complicit in, but that she seems to actively orchestrate and perpetuate. She seems more committed to being the Good Guy to Scott’s Bad Guy than she is to him as a person.

5. He worked hard on himself (and Kourtney has not)

Scott is, as I mentioned, arguably the most self-aware of anyone else in this family. He constantly makes comments to indicate a bemused understanding of how ridiculous the whole Kardashian...thing actually is, and how absurd it is that they get to be so wealthy and so famous for basically being a family of hot girls with money. He gets it, which, to be fair, I’m sure all of them do (I don’t believe for a minute that any of the Kardashian/Jenners buy into their own bullshit and are probably all secretly floored at the weird, random game they’ve so profoundly won), but Scott is the only one who doesn’t hesitate to talk about it. He doesn’t hesitate to confront and talk about most things in a direct way, and he doesn’t do so in an attempt to shake things up and make people uncomfortable. He’s simply more comfortable with himself and his human flaws and less afraid of the truth than most of the people around him. By contrast, Kourtney is almost pathologically avoident of expressing her feelings or even internally addressing them.

How is this relevant to Scott and Kourtney’s relationship? It’s fundamental to it, actually: Scott has never defended his bad choices. He has never run away from his problems. He self-narrates and self-evaluates constantly, and is always taking steps to improve himself for his family. He isn’t perfect but he works hard to be better, and to do better, and is very clear in expressing that the primary motivating factor in that mission is his tremendous love for Kourtney and their kids. Kourtney, who is at least as flawed as Scott (so she’s emotionally abusive and he’s a drunk — who’s to say which is worse?), does almost nothing to admit her shortcomings, let alone ever lifting a finger to improve on them.

6. He has grown up and evolved a lot since becoming a parent, which Kourtney never gives him credit for

Scott was 26 years old when Mason was born. And KUWTK viewers saw him in a relationship with Kourtney for years before that. People in their 20s — all of them — are a hot mess in their own special way. They just are. Scott has grown up a lot since the show began, and even more since he became a parent. Does that mean his growth is finished? Does that mean we should expect it to be? Is it reasonable to expect that, with the onset of parenthood, people should immediately become fully-formed, perfectly evolved, flawless examples of adulthood, maturity, and responsibility? That’s not reasonable for anyone.

Here’s what we know of Scott: He has been burdened (and sure, blessed) by a huge family that his emotionally neglectful (at best) partner chose to have without his consent. We know that he has worked very hard to improve his relationship with a partner who seemingly has absolutely no interest in being emotionally present for him. We know that he has lost two parents and gained three kids all over the course of just a few years. And we know that all of this has happened under the unfairly critical gaze of a huge family (who are biologically inclined to side with his shitty partner), without any real family of his own, and an unforgiving media who perpetuate his role as the “bad father,” all while making a running joke out of his earnest attempts to improve himself and his relationship.

7. Scott is the only one in the family who actually has fun with — and makes fun of — their insane fame and wealth

By being absurd, he keeps it real. And if anyone, including Kourtney, isn't smart enough to see that, then that's kinda their problem.

Images: Getty Images; Giphy(7)