Whether we admit it or not, there are probably some of us who wish we were a little more like Samantha from Sex and the City — that we had the ability to be wildly and consistently confident when it comes to sex. Maybe you’ve always wanted to awaken your inner sex goddess, so to say, but you've never quite nailed it (excuse the pun). Well, the truth is that we can’t all be good at everything. And it’s not like anyone is born already being a master in the bedroom. Most of us have to learn how to be “good” at sex — whatever that may mean to each of us individually, of course; everyone is different. We have to get our moves down, while learning how to please our partner and ourselves at the same time.
Feeling confident in bed doesn’t come easy if you aren’t feeling that confident outside of the bed. So if you’re one of those people that feel like they need a glass or two of wine before they hit the sack, I would suggest trying to build up your confidence game. I never truly believed that you should “fake it till you make it,” but in this case it works. Find that inner-Beyonce of yours while you’re getting it on, and you might start to feel more self-assured. Here are some tips to help you feel a little more courageous while you’re getting lucky, because there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't feel totally fabulous all the time, and that includes in bed.
1. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good
They always say for a first date, you should wear what makes you feel most confident. This rule still applies for when you’re in bed with your partner. If you don’t feel extra sexy being full on nude, maybe a little lingerie could help bump your confidence up. Or maybe you feel your best in those boy shorts you love. Whatever makes you feel at ease — wear it.
2. Start Out Slow
If you’re not feeling extra brave when it comes to sex, then start out slow. The pressure of sex can really get affect people, so it’s crucial that you go at your own speed. Only have sex when you want to and feel comfortable to. Work your way up to what feels right to you in the moment. Take pleasure in knowing that you make the decisions when it comes to your body and your sexuality.
3. Pleasure Yourself
One way to feel more confident in bed is to start feeling more confident with yourself, and your body. You need to know what turns you on and what you like. How else are you going to figure that out? Masturbating is a great (and very fun) way of feeling more self-assured when it comes to your own sexuality.
4. Watch Porn
What do all great professional athletes do when they want to be great at their sport? They watch other great athletes that they can look up to. This is the exact same thing — well, sort of. Find some porn that you enjoy and learn from it. Watch the moves and the techniques and copy them.
Communication is key, especially when it comes to sex. You might feel more confident and connected to your partner if you speak up about your wants and needs. Maybe you need to tell your partner how you’re feeling, so he or she can give you a boost of confidence!
6. Positive Thinking
Thoughts are more powerful than you would imagine. Thinking positively can change everything. If you’re feeling insecure, you probably don’t even notice all of the negative thoughts that are going on in your head. So, stop. Take a moment and be aware of the negativity. Try to counter each negative thought with a positive one. You never know unless you try.
7. Dim The Lights
Lighting isn't just key when taking pictures — it's also useful when it comes to sex. Use the lighting to your advantage. Dimming the lights a bit just may be the light at the end of the tunnel. If you’re not feeling very excited about being completely on display, making the room a little darker will help you feel less vulnerable. Of course, there's no NEED to do this, but if it helps you feel a little more bold, then why not try it out?
8. Set Up The Environment
In order for you to feel completely confident and comfortable, you need to start with your environment. Setting up the place you will be getting it on is crucial. Make a sexy playlist that will bring out the bold in you. Light candles and get all cheesy or buy new bed sheets to set the right mood. If you feel at ease in the environment, it gets you closer to feeling at ease with getting intimate.