How To Get Free Chick-Fil-A Today

And today in Absurd Sentences I Never Thought I'd Write, we have this: You can get free Chick-Fil-A on July 14 if you dress up like a cow. But wait! It gets even better! The occasion, you see, is called “Cow Appreciation Day.” You heard me: Today is Cow Appreciation Day, so if you dress up like a cow, you can get a free chicken sandwich. Or breakfast, if you get there earlier enough.

The world is such a magical place sometimes, is it not?

Chick-Fil-A has long advertised its wares with a cartoon cow imploring us to save its life by “eating mor chikin,” so it's I'm assuming that same cartoon cow is the mastermind behind Cow Appreciation Day. If you stop by a participating Chick-Fil-A restaurant today fully dressed as a cow, you'll earn yourself a free meal, which includes an entree, a drink, and a side item. However, if you don't feel like going the whole hog, that's okay, too —those dressed in partial cow attire will receive a free entree. For the curious, Chick-Fil-A defines “fully dressed as a cow” as “effort to be dressed like a cow from head to toe,” while “partial cow attire” is considered to be “just a cow accessory, such as a cow-printed hat, vest, or purse.”

Not sure where to get a cow costume, especially at such short notice? Chick-Fil-A has handily supplied a number of DIY cow costume downloadables; all you have to do is print one or more of them out, and you're good to go for partial cow attire. But if you really want to go all-out, I've done a little legwork for you. Here's how to pull together a quick-and-dirty cow costume. Will it look spectacular? Nope. Lifelike? Probably not. Adequate? Yes. And in this case, “adequate” will get the job done just fine.

Now then, to show that you've made a head-to-toe effort in your clever cow disguise, you're going to need at least five different items. Let's work our way from the top down:

1. Headgear

Viking Helmet, $6.50,

Cows can, in fact, have horns (not just bulls), so one of those plastic Viking helmets should fit the bill nicely. Your nearest party store should have a plethora of plastic costume hats available; this one came from Party City. It's on sale, too, marked down to $6.50 from $12.99.

2. Shirt

Mossimo Crew Neck MicroModal Tee with Pocket, $12.99,; Sharpie Twin Tip Permanent Marker, $1.99,

Remember when I said we were going for quick and dirty? Well, this piece of the puzzle is the epitome of that philosophy: Get yourself a cheap white t-shirt and a Sharpie or fabric marker, then use the marker to draw cow markings all over the shirt. Sticking a piece of cardboard inside the shirt while you draw will stop your markings from bleeding straight through, but if you don't have time for that, that's OK, too.

3. Pants

H&M Jersey Leggings, $9.99,

Aim for something simple here — ideally, something you already have in your wardrobe. Black pants, black jeans, or black leggings are all good choices. You've got at least one of those hanging around, right?

4. Footwear

Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars, $49.95,

Again, simple does it. If you are one of the approximately eighty bajillion people who has a pair of black and white Chuck Taylors in your closet, yank 'em out and put 'em to good use. No Chucks? Pretty much any pair of black or white shoes will do, so work with what you have. If you must, you can always get some white surgical slippers and slide them over your actual shoes.

5. Tail

Blue Hawk Braided Polypropylene Rope, 68 cents,

Because how else are you going to flick the flies off your rump? Easy does it here; either dig around in your garage for a length of rope, or pick up some at your local hardware store, knot it at the end, and jam the end down the back of your stylish black leggings. I realize that cows don't have blue tails, but I kind of dig this piece of rope-by-the-foot, so … just deal with it.

Here's what your finished costume should look like:

Or, more accurately:

And if you feel like it, feel free to add one of Chick-Fil-A's DIY printable items (I vote for the cow moustache, but that's just me). Now go forth and eat mor chikin!

Images: Chick-Fil-A/Instagram; Brands; Marji Beach/Flickr