It's 2015, which means it only took the human race a bajillion years to finally come up with boxers that hide boners. These are a Bonafide Real Thing, guys — a company launched an Indiegogo campaign for Bloxers, underwear specifically designed to hide boners, so now you'll never accidentally pitch a tent at the middle school science fair ever again! Seriously, though, I'm not even going to pretend for a second that I can relate to the awkward of accidental boners (beyond, like, watching Ben Stiller movies), but I guess guys are excited about this. I imagine I would be if I had a friend who occasionally showed up uninvited in the middle of the day. Bloxers are like the emotional equivalent of telling that friend you have plans right now, but you'll see them later tonight, K?
Before we all call crotch shaming, the Bloxers really are here to help. There is a "deflector panel" in the underwear that stops Junior from playing hide-and-go-peak, and apparently the fabric is thin and totally painless, and you don't notice when the boxers are on. The campaign needs $20,000 to launch its line, and the best part is that 25 percent of their profits go directly to prostate cancer.
"We're all about happy men sexually, emotionally, medically. Hence Bloxers," says the Indiegogo page. Seems like a good day for penises all around.
GUYS, if you contribute $3,000 the founders will take you to London with them to stare at Michelangelo's David and his crotch leaf. Don't act like you had more important plans.
Read more about the Indiegogo project here.