By now, everyone is a sweaty mess. It's mid-summer and we're constantly swimming through thick, humid air, accumulating tiny waterfalls on our temples as we slog forward. It's only going to get hotter in the coming months, so there's only one thing to do, other than cover yourself in ice and pray: Embrace the sweat. It's not just about embracing the horrid perspiration in spite of itself, it's learning to genuinely let go and be content with the fact that your face is leaking all over. And it's possible! You just need to start thinking of your sweat as a good thing, rather than a cumbersome thing.
The first step is eliminating grey from your wardrobe, because smiley face sweat stains on the front of your t-shirt aren't going to do wonders for your relationship to your body's excretions. Now that we've put all our grey items into storage, let's do this together. Let's all collectively agree to quit bemoaning our sweat, because there's nothing that can be changed about it, short of botoxing our pores shut, but please don't do that because it's excessive and weird. As Beyoncé would say, "A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody". Here are some good reasons to embrace your sweat:
1. Everyone is sweaty
Excluding those perfectly just-got-out-of-bed-and-slipped-on-my-Alexander-Wang-t-shirt-and-Chanel-loafers off duty models you see roaming around SoHo and not sweating a drip, everyone is wet. It would be like if everyone's skin suddenly turned green but you were still self conscious about it. We're literally all in the same boat. You shouldn't be embarrassed about people seeing you sweating because they are sweating too. Use group-think for positivity. We all sweat, therefore we are, and we should not worry about it so much because it's not unique to one individual.
It's official: Pheromones are real. This basically means that the smell of your sweat wafting into the air makes people want to bone you. So if you want to have sex, this is a good thing. That sweat is making you quite sexy. Recent studies have found that instinctive evolutionary attraction, or what we modern people call "chemistry", actually has a lot to do with the smell of BO. Women smelling men's worn t-shirts were proven to favor the scent of men whose genes were best compatible with their own to fight disease in offspring. EMBRACE THE SWEAT.
3. You have more fun when you don't sweat the sweaty stuff
What's fun about stressing? NOTHING. Here's the scenario: You're sweating. Nothing you can do will stop that. You can constantly dab or sit very still, but it's not going to be a long term solution. You're better off just embracing it, and enjoying yourself, because you're never going to have any fun if you're constantly sweating the sweaty stuff.
4. Because the alternative extreme is worse
The opposite of hot is cold. So ask yourself: Would you rather be so freezing you have to wear every single item in your wardrobe every time you leave the house, or sweat a little bit? I know which one I'd prefer, and it's certainly not the one that makes me feel like my face has turned to ice and is about to drop off.
5. It's a lovely glow
Perspiration gives you a lovely, radiant glow. Just think of your constant sweat as the same as the glisten you have when you walk out of a yoga class. You get all the shimmer with none of the effort!
6. Self confidence is key
Everything is better when you own it, sweat inclusive. Work it, use it, love it. BE ABOUT IT. Focus on confidence and the sweat will literally roll off you like water off a duck's back. Sweat doesn't matter. Being comfortable with yourself matters, no matter what your body is doing. So screw the haters, even if the haters are you, and just get on with your business, sweat and all, because you are a fabulous, amazing, sweat drenched little thing.