Excellent news, everyone! Amazon is giving out free vibrators!! There's just one catch: They're used. Oh, and also, you have to buy a pair of children's shoes first. OK, so I made that whole part about the deal up, but this is a very legitimate reality for this mom who got a vibrator with the children's shoes she ordered on Amazon and had delivered to her home in Whiteley, Hampshire, UK. Jealous? Horrified? Somewhere in between? Well, brace yourselves—the story only gets weirder from there.
When Sophie Grantham received the package that was supposed to be just a pair of sandals for her 4-year-old son, she was surprised to find that it was vibrating. The postman suggested that it might be a toothbrush (beautiful cinnamon roll too pure, too good for this world).
"I opened with him stood next to me, and was absolutely horrified to find this purple vibrator, loose and buzzing about in the shoebox," said Wentham to the Western Daily Press.
To make matters even more yicky, apparently she also found a pubic hair attached to it. Like, this is so far into the realm of Not Okay that it transcends Not Okay-ness. Here are some pictures of the hot mess that showed up at Wenthman's door:
To their credit, Amazon is offering a full refund, plus the equivalent of what the sex toy was worth on Amazon. If anything, this really has served as a giant PSA to the human race that you can buy sex toys on Amazon. Or maybe y'all already knew that and this is just my high school friends all getting drunk in someone's basement on prom night without me all over again.
As for the unlucky original owner who lost their sex toy to the clutches of convenient Amazon delivery—at least your buddy went out with a bang.
Image: Pexels
