What makes someone good in bed differs based on the preferences of the person they're sleeping with. Not everyone will be considered universally good in bed, even if they are objectively good in bed. For instance, maybe someone who is great in bed for one person won't do the one thing that makes sex great for another person, like slipping one in the stink. Ergo, they're not as good in bed with that person as they were with the other person, who wasn't looking for a butt fingering. I digress; there are some things that can, apparently, make you better in bed. Like coffee! Coffee drinkers are better in bed, and that's not a made-up thing — it's a genuine scientific theory, based on science research and conclusive science studies. Science!
So put down that dumb tea right now and pick up a cup of Joe, because it might just increase your sexual prowess. It's not a sexual cure-all (for instance, if you're very bad in bed, this isn't going to be like Popeye eating a can of spinach), but drinking coffee can stimulate certain aspects of your biological chemistry that can, in turn, help you out when it comes to stimulating someone else, nudge nudge. Here are seven reasons coffee drinkers are better lovers, according to science:
1. It increases female libido
Researchers have found that coffee makes women horny. By increasing blood flow to the genitals, science believes that women who drink caffeine even once a week can have an increased sex drive. And we all know that a healthy libido is the first step to a healthy sex life. No one wants a sluggish, only vaguely aroused partner. (I hope.)
2. It reduces erectile dysfunction in men
Likewise, since coffee increases blood flow to swimsuit areas, researchers have found that men who drink two to three cups of Joe a day are less likely to face erectile dysfunction. Keep in mind that when we talk about caffeine making you better at sex, the caffeine in fizzy drinks and sodas doesn't count. Unlike coffee, soda caffeine has a million harmful chemicals in it, like sugar. Coffee is the best source of caffeine because it's a natural antioxidant.
3. It makes people better athletes
I mean, sex requires endurance, right? You use stamina, flexibility and strength to have all your really good, really weird sex, so basically, we're all athletes in the bedroom. The New York Times reports that "Scientists and many athletes have known for years, of course, that a cup of coffee before a workout jolts athletic performance, especially in endurance sports like distance running and cycling." And sex. Don't forget sex.
4. They'll wake you with the sweet smell of brewing coffee in the morning
After a night of sweet, sweet love, what's more romantic than waking up twisted in the sheets, with dusty light filtering through the curtains, and the smell of coffee brewing in the other room permeating your senses?
5. The smell of coffee reduces stress
Meanwhile, speaking of that delicious coffee aroma, research suggests that simply smelling coffee can reduce stress caused by sleep deprivation. So if you have been up all night riding that pony, the smell of coffee in the morning will make your tired-induced stress dissipate. Less stressed people = better lovers.
6. They're happier than most
Studies have suggested that those who drink coffee are more happy than those who drink no coffee at all. While other sources of caffeine, like sodas or overly sweetened coffee, are depressants (because of all the added crap), coffee actually stimulates your happy glands. I assume, never having had sex with a sad person, that having a happy sexual partner is far superior. I assume this based on the fact that I have never actively sought to have sex with a sad person, although I have attempted/had sex with many happy people.
7. Their brains work better
Smart people make better lovers. No one wants to wake up next to a dullard (I know I certainly don't). Scientists believe that coffee can keep brains healthier longer (delaying the onset of Alzheimer's), but the temporary and immediate effects of caffeine make the brain more "switched on," giving it a "wake-up jolt".
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