Previously on The Sims Big Brother 17: Sim Jason, Sim Jeff, Sim John, Sim Liz, Sim Meg, Sim Shelli, Sim Steve, and Sim Vanessa moved into the Sims BB17 house; a paparazzo tried and failed to introduce herself to the cast; someone stole Sim James's clothes while he went skinny dipping. You can check out the second installment of The Sims Big Brother 17 here.
Remember when I decided to lock eight visiting Sims in the Sims BB17 house and force them to live there? Well, that sure blew up in my face this week. I quickly learned that trapping Sim Jason, Sim Jeff, Sim John, Sim Liz, Sim Meg, Sim Shelli, Sim Steve, and Sim Vanessa (aka houseguests 9-16) in the Sims BB17 house does not new roommates make. No matter what I did, houseguests 9-16 refused to call the Sims BB17 house their home. They refused to use any of the six fully functional toilets in the Sims BB17 house. They refused to sleep in the beds I purchased for them. They refused to eat any of the food I purchased for them. It was as if houseguests 9-16 had lost the will to live. (The Sims? Ugh, more like The Grims. This stuff is BLEAK.)
On the other hand, Sim Audrey, Sim Austin, Sim Becky, Sim Clay, Sim Da’Vonne, Sim Jace, Sim Jackie, and Sim James (aka houseguests 1-8) continued to behave as if nothing was amiss. As if their eight other roommates weren't in the throes of a collective nervous breakdown.
I am not a sadistic person, so no, it did not bring me joy to watch my Sims suffer. I feel terrible about what I’ve done. I take the Sim Big Brother job title very seriously, and I will continue to hunt for a cheat code that'll fix the mess I've made (seriously, if there's a way to add houseguests to the active household, please let me know). In the meantime, let's take a look at the episode 3 highlights. (And by "highlights," I definitely mean "bleakest moments.")
The moment when I realized someone left a bowl of toxic waste on the counter:
What have we here? Are those flies I see? No one told Sim Big Brother/me that the houseguests adopted some pets.
The moment when I realized someone left some funky waffles on another counter:
If I were a crueler Sim Big Brother, I would've made the culprit eat the funky waffles.
The moment when I noticed a mysterious puddle:
Oh, great. Someone either a) broke a dishwasher or b) relieved their bladder in the middle of the kitchen. The dishwasher is on the other side of the room, so I'm going to go ahead and rule out option "a."
The moment when Sim Vanessa was too busy thinking about computers to notice the puddle:
Sorry, Sim Vanessa. No computers for this household. Not until you guys stop leaving bowls of sewage everywhere.
The moment when Sim James pictured himself wearing a bag over his head:
Why so mortified, Sim James? Might you be a soothsayer who knows you're about to pee your pants, er, towel?
The moment when Sim James screamed about a toilet:
You know where the nearest toilet is, Sim James. Go do what you need to do, Sim James. You got this, Sim James.
The moment when Sim James proved he most certainly does not got this:
Crimeny, Sim James.
The moment when Sim James tried to play it cool:
Hey, Sim James? You've been wearing a towel in lieu of pants for two days and you just emptied your bladder all over the kitchen floor in front of two of your roommates. Don't act like things are chill.
The moment when Sim James mopped up both puddles:
Little did any of us know that the puddle madness had only just begun.
The moment when I realized I needed to set up a sleeping situation for houseguests 9-16:
So many sleepy Sims, so little ti— IS THAT ANOTHER PUDDLE? What is with these idiots?
The moment when I set up a temporary bedroom + en suite bathroom situation for houseguests 9-16:
Before I spent hours building gorgeous, real-deal bedrooms for the Sims who do not live-live in the Sims BB17 house, I wanted to be sure houseguests 9-16 would climb into the beds on their own. A test run, if you will. (Spoiler alert: This was the right call.)
The moment when I went into Build Mode and physically moved houseguests 9-16 to the temporary bedroom:
If they're standing next to the beds, I thought, maybe they'll put two and two together.
The moment when I realized they probably would not put two and two together:
I scrolled over to another part of the house for a few minutes. When I returned to the temporary bedroom, I found houseguests 9-16 exactly as I left them. They're basically helpless. And I can't help them.
The moment when houseguests 9-16 let me know they were feeling peckish:
*Sigh.* If only there was a fully stocked banquet table downstairs.
The moment when I added a fully stocked banquet table to the house:
I was convinced this would solve everything. Oh, how wrong I was.
The moment when houseguests 9-16 decided they'd rather gripe about being hungry than go downstairs:
This was the moment that almost broke me. I almost added a front door to the Sims BB17house. I almost let houseguests 9-16 leave. But I did not break. I am not a quitter. One day, I will figure out how to un-disaster this disaster.
The moment when houseguests 1-8 enjoyed a meal of salad, turkey, and cookies:
Oh, look. Someone left a perfectly good plate of salad on the ground. Why would a Sim do such a thing? I may never know. I do know this much: If that salad turns into yet another dish of radioactive sewage, I'm going to delete the hot tub.
The moment when I realized houseguests 9-16 weren't potty trained:
Sure, Sims can figure out how to hop in a jacuzzi all by themselves, but don't expect them to run to restrooms without Sim Big Brother's instruction.
The moment when all hell broke loose:
I left houseguests 9-16 alone for maybe 30 seconds. When I came back, I was greeted by an ocean of blue pee.
The moment when Sim Vanessa and Sim Liz ventured out onto the Sky Bridge:
Seriously considering deleting all of the toilets in the Sims BB17 house. Clearly, they were a waste of money.
The moment when Sim Steve passed out in a puddle:
The moment when some rando called Sim Becky:
Sorry to disappoint, Gobias, but Sim Becky won't be in attendance. For starters, she can't leave the Sims BB17 house. Because the house is missing a front door. Begone, Gobias.
The moment when Sim Vanessa and Sim Liz napped on the Sky Bridge:
Maybe the beds are less comfortable than the floor? Maybe the floor is better for their backs? Whatever the case may be, I am so glad I didn't waste my time building four new bedrooms.
The moment when Sim Jeff realized he'd been standing next to a toilet for hours:
If Sim Jeff finally figured out how to use a toilet, I wondered, might that mean he's finally figured out he can sleep in a bed?
The moment when Sim Jeff passed out on the floor:
So much for figuring out how beds work.
The moment when I put the banquet table on the Sky Bridge:
Maybe if I put the banquet table right in front of them, I thought, they'll dig in.
The moment when I threw my hands up in the air:
So much for the banquet table saving the day.
The moment when Gobias called Sim Becky to let him know the party missed her:
NOT NOW, GOBIAS.
The moment when I realized I hadn't checked on houseguests 1-8 in a while:
Oh, everyone's naked in the hot tub again? Whew. What a relief!
The moment when Sim Austin decided to go check out the temporary bedroom:
Nothing could've prepared him for the horror waiting for him on the other side of the door.
The moment when Sim Austin climbed in one of the eight empty beds:
Much to my surprise, Sim Austin seemed to be unfazed by the zombies. The hungry, sleep-deprived zombies.
The moment when Sim Austin fell fast asleep while houseguests 9-16 continued to wish they could go to bed:
Way harsh, Sim Austin.
Next week: Oh, crud. I'd planned on eliminating someone this week, but I forgot all about it. Suffice it to say I was a tad preoccupied with trying to keep houseguests 9-16 alive. I guess I'll kick someone out next week?
Images: The Sims 3/EA Games (32); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (32)