The Best Phoebe Buffay Quotes For Your Everyday Dramas

“I wish I could but I don’t want to.”

by Mary Grace Garis
Originally Published: 

As we continue to celebrate the eternal bliss of Friends, I want to focus on the deep and powerful lessons and advice we can draw from the show. I mean, not to brag, but I marathon-watched ten seasons of Friends before it was cool (i.e. when I was post-college unemployed and writing like twice a month). And it was during those jobless days that I got re-acquainted with the wacky wisdom of Phoebe Buffay, my truest soul sister and life mentor.

Boho oddball Phoebe seems like a strange source for guidance. But it was with her sunny disposition that Phoebe was able to hide a heavy dose of sass. Raised on the streets, every once in a while Phoebe would deliver a line that screamed, "Oh, you think this is bad? Please." Despite her absent-minded, whimsical nature, Phoebe always knew what was up, and honestly? Anyone who gets to marry Paul Rudd is doing something right.

I learned a lot from her during the unemployment months, and as evidence, I'm sharing with you some solid Phoebe quotes to utilize in your every day life.

“Have some pride, for the love of God!”

Time to chin-up and be strong! Fun note: Phoebe's actually comforting Mike's current girlfriend in this gif, who he ended up leaving for Phoebe. Which was disarming news delivered from Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: female ally.

“Damn you, ref! You burn in hell!”


How do you sports? Hell if I know, but if you scream enough at the TV screen you can probably fake it.

“I wish I could but I don’t want to.”

Honesty is the best policy.

“Hello, my name is Regina Phalange.”

Ew, some creep is asking you for your number? Break out this pseudonym.

“You like that? You should hear my phone number.”


Oh, want some cute guy to get your number? Be smooth, just like Pheebs.

“I can’t have a mimosa with breakfast? I’m on vacation.”

The only one of your friends without a significant other right now? Don't worry. Phoebe was the only friend not to formally date another friend, and sometimes that paves way for some mimosas.

“That is brand new information!”

No joke, this happened to me last week. My mom comes up to me and says, "Did you know that some rapper took her award and said Beyoncé should've won instead?" Jesus Christ, mom — reporting on Taylor Swift is my livelihood, are you really referencing a headline from 2009?

“Eye-contact? I hope you were using protection.”

Oh my god, he liked your Instagram post about how much you hate Mondays? You two are soul mates, obvs.

“Is Daddy gonna spank me?”

You'll have men falling at your feet.

“I’m really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.”

Say it like it is.

“It’s so exhausting waiting for death.”

There’s no need to sugar coat it with Phoebe.

“Run!” / “Where?” / “Mexico!”


“I am extremely talented.”

Seriously, though? Despite her rough upbringing, Phoebe always believed in herself, and approached life with a healthy and rare dose of cheer and self-esteem. So when the going gets tough, just turn to Phoebe. She'll be there for you. See also...

“I’m going to make it on my own! I don’t need you, or anybody else!”

Honestly, I believe her.

“I’m swamped right now.”

An unapologetic queen.

“Oh my God! Eh, well.”

Eh... sometimes you just gotta shake it off.

“Don’t hate. You don’t wanna put that out there into the universe.”

For when someone is in a negativity spiral, sometimes you just have to remember to think what would Phoebe do?

“Don’t interrupt me!!”

Perfect for that colleague who just... has.. to... edge their way in over Zoom.

“I am shocked to my very core.”

Because sometimes — most times — sarcasm hits the very hardest.

“I don’t even have a pla—”

Sorry that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, Janet.

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