Heated Rivalry Inspired A Woman To Get Divorced

Karen Kossow had felt her marriage wasn’t working for nearly three years, but she never expected a hockey romance to be the catalyst for its ending.

After nearly two decades together, she and her husband went out for dinner to celebrate their anniversary. She was feeling bittersweet; he seemed to be trying to make it a nice evening, but the effort felt lackluster when compared to the mountain of sacrifices and requests she’d made over the years. Early in their relationship, she’d followed him from Albany to Boise, leaving behind her friends, family, and two businesses. She was unable to work full time while homeschooling their two autistic children, and she’d made repeated asks to divide childcare more equitably, for emotional support, and for more help with financial responsibilities and home repairs.

After dinner, emotions swirling, Kossow, 48, decided to watch the first episode of Heated Rivalry in an attempt to calm herself down. She’d finished the book days before, and though she only intended to watch an episode or two, she was transfixed by Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov’s slow-burn relationship. She couldn’t help herself; she stayed up until 3 a.m. finishing all six episodes with tears streaming down her face.

“There was something so regulating about seeing men working through their challenges, coming back to each other, and falling in love, even under the most difficult circumstances,” she says. “It healed something in my heart.”

Earlier that month, in an effort to generate more income, Kossow launched her Substack and Instagram, both titled Ren Reads Too Much (she chose the nickname since, as she puts it, “it’s a tough time to be a middle-aged white lady named Karen”). She set out to make content about books in general, but as she fell down the Game Changers rabbit hole, she noticed her Heated Rivalry content was performing particularly well. “Elder Loons” — fans of the series born before 2000 — were flocking to her account.

Her epiphany about her marriage came in February, while reading The Long Game. When Shane questions Ilya’s commitment to the relationship, Ilya replies: “I already chose you, Hollander.”

“A visceral whoosh of emotion came over me. I realized that I had never been chosen. My comfort, my happiness, my needs were secondary,” she says. “Even when I was standing in front of him and was like, ‘Look at me. You wanted to make babies with me. You wanted to marry me. Can you please participate in this partnership?’ And the answer was no.”

She was devastated. For the next several months, she watched at least one episode each night.

I'd never really gotten into male/male books because if there's one thing more exhausting than one man, it's two.

In April, Kossow asked her husband for a divorce. She didn’t mention that Heated Rivalry was part of the reason. He’d known she was a fan of the series, but never seemed interested in learning more about it.

In early May, she made a video about aspiring to the authentic (albeit messy) love the characters shared, and another about how “reReiding” the series was helping her through a difficult time. Several women reached out to say that the series had offered escapism while navigating their own divorces.

That number began to surge on July 8, when Kossow posted a video about the fact that Heated Rivalry influenced her decision to end her marriage. A flood of women began to share that entertainment ranging from Bridgerton to The Legend of Zelda made them realize they were getting less than they deserved in their relationships. “It's a lot of people recognizing that they weren't being treated fairly,” Kossow says.

Those messages inspired Kossow to post a video three days later that opened with: “Guess I’m not the only one getting divorced after mainlining Heated Rivalry.” She’d filmed it on the fly on a Saturday night when her soon-to-be ex had gone to work — “I don't often like to record when he's home because it feels weird,” she says — and quickly posted it. The next morning, she woke up to 100 new followers and an overwhelming number of mentions. Other women felt the same way.

The video, which recently hit 1 million views, also unleashed a torrent of backlash. Some male commenters proclaimed that she was “watching too much gay porn” and a handful of outraged mothers accused her of "chasing a fantasy.” The video has also been stitched countless times with mocking commentary, and a pair of culture warriors on YouTube with nearly 500,000 subscribers made a long-form video labeling her “deranged” for ending her marriage over a “TV relationship.”

The negativity surprised her. “There's nothing in that video that says, ‘I'm leaving my husband to go have gay male sex,’” she says. “Touch some grass there, friend. I weep for the literacy rates in this country.”

While Kossow navigates her newfound internet fame, she’s also working through some logistical and legal hurdles before she officially files for divorce. The couple still lives together, though she’s converted her office into a makeshift bedroom. Below, she opens up about going viral, Heated Rivalry’s impact on her marriage, and her next steps.

What drew you into Heated Rivalry?

I saw some clips and was like, “I want to watch more,” because I mean, have you seen those men? I think we all have. So I read the book and was just shocked by the love. I've been a smutty romance reader for years but I'd never really gotten into male/male books because if there's one thing more exhausting than one man, it's two. But there was just something so devastatingly beautiful about their story.

There are so many women relating to your experience. How has that felt?

It's heartbreaking and it’s validating. I don't want this pain for other people. But it feels like there's strength in knowing that you're not alone, even though it feels so heavy and lonely.

I’ve created online gathering places for thousands of people around parenting kids with extra needs and homeschooling. But for my real-life community, as far as can you take my kids for the afternoon because I'm struggling? Or can we get our families together and have a barbecue? That's really limited. A huge part of that is because of the energy I had to put in to make my marriage work.

One of the beautiful things about divorcing is that since I've stopped putting the energy towards that relationship, my whole world has opened up. I have people rallying around me online and in real life.

Yesterday I cried at the bank. I had to open up a personal checking account, and they asked, “Who can we list for next of kin?" I was like, "I don't have anyone now. Please let me cry." But being that vulnerable gives people a chance to help you.

Your viral video brought on a lot of hate. Do you want to speak to that?

No one leaves a happy, healthy, loving relationship because they read a book. There are problems and challenges that I've been trying to work on for years.

And I don't think Ilya Rozanov is out there waiting for me in real life. I’m not going to find a 27-year-old bisexual Russian millionaire hockey player in f*cking Boise, Idaho. I know that. But is there a man who is going to put my needs at the forefront of his to-do list? I hope so. I have to believe that.

What's next for you?

I'm writing a book that I hope to self-publish by the end of the year. It’s a daily devotional — not religious, I’m very secular — but something to reinforce the fact that reading is an act of joyful resistance. I hope that I can continue creating content, and that I will find someone who values me the way that I deserve to be valued. And I've gotten some DMs.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.