The Big Question
Mary Elizabeth Winstead Is Learning To Go With The Flow
From family life to her gripping new thriller, this chapter is all about finding balance.

From her turn as the vibrant-haired Ramona Flowers in 2010’s cult classic Scott Pilgrim vs. the World to roles in recent series like Ahsoka and A Gentleman in Moscow, Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s eclectic, ever-growing resume is a testament to her versatility — and her time-management skills.
“Being a mom and having my career and being a wife and a friend and a daughter and all of those things, and making them all feel like they’re getting enough love and attention ... that’s the constant work,” says Winstead, who shares a 4-year-old son named Laurie with her husband, Ewan McGregor.
The pressures of motherhood loom large in the 40-year-old actor’s latest project, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Streaming from Oct. 22 on Hulu, the new film — a reimagining of the 1992 thriller — stars Winstead as Caitlin, a married mom of two who enlists the help of a nanny, Polly (Maika Monroe). At first, Caitlin’s relieved to have some support from the quiet but obliging young woman. But soon enough, Polly’s malevolence begins to shine through.
Though the movie treads some extremely bleak territory, the production was a “light set all around,” Winstead says, crediting director Michelle Garza Cervera with setting the behind-the-scenes tone. “When she would get a new idea for how to shoot something, she had this infectious joy about it and was so kind to everyone that it just made you feel so good every day.”
For Winstead, that levity is essential. Two decades into her career, the actor is focused on what’s important in her work — and getting better at tuning out the noise. “I have empathy for my younger self, and all of those insecurities and things I was worried about were very normal,” she says. “Sometimes you have to go through that to learn how to be on the other side of it.”
In The Big Question below, Winstead opens up about family, her big break, and learning to let go.
As a kid, who was your biggest inspiration?
I’m the youngest of five, so my siblings were hugely influential. And my parents really instilled in us a love for film. They weren’t really cinephiles, but they were big consumers of entertainment in all facets. Our house was covered with shelves of VHS tapes.
Name something you used to think was a big deal but really isn’t.
What people thought of me. I know that’s a really basic answer, but it’s true. Everyone always says you care less about that as you get older, and I’m finding that to be the case. Your life becomes more and more full, and so you have less and less space to think about some of those small things that you now realize don’t matter at all — what somebody thought about what you said at a party, or what you wore, or what your hair looked like. Or even in my career, going to an audition and thinking I’ve got to wear a certain color or something. All those things I now look back on and go, “Nobody ever cared.”
What was your last big splurge?
I’ve been getting a little bit of furniture, and I’m really into art deco at the moment. I found a beautiful art deco chest of drawers the other day that I’m really excited about.
Who’s your biggest fan?
Probably either my mom or my husband. Could be my son, but I know that’s not gonna last. He’s 4, and 4-year-olds love their mommies, so I’m really enjoying having him as a fan at the moment.
Who are you the biggest fan of?
I have to probably be cheesy and say my husband. He’s just the most amazingly talented, beautiful person, and so I’m constantly in awe of him and what he does.
What big goal are you still working toward?
Finding that sense of balance with everything. I don’t know that that’s ever going to be something that I can accomplish in a definite sense, but it’s something that I’ll always be working toward.
Who gave you your biggest break?
The most pivotal one might have been Quentin Tarantino because being in [Death Proof] with him really set me on a journey — a domino effect of all the things that came after. Through that film, I met Edgar Wright and was able to do Scott Pilgrim, and I feel like that film really led to so many other films that I’ve done since then. And just having the opportunity to work with someone so iconic was such a boost of confidence for me.
What’s the biggest mistake you made early in your career?
When I look back, I was a little bit of a perfectionist. It’s tricky, because as an actor, there are so many other elements that aren’t just the art and the craft that you have to be aware of. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by that, of trying to get a role and trying to appease all these people — you’ve got to look the part, and you’ve got to dress the part, and you’ve got to hit your mark. I wish I had given less thought to all of those other things and just tried to be me.
On a date, what’s your biggest red flag?
It’s been a long time since I was in the dating thing, but looking out for any signs of disrespect. If you feel any intuition that you’ve been disrespected in any way, just run.
Has a big gesture ever changed your mind about someone?
It doesn’t even have to be a big gesture. Sometimes, it’s the small things that you see in somebody, and that makes you recognize their vulnerabilities. You might just see a little moment come through the cracks, and you go, “Oh, my God, OK, this person isn’t really what I thought they were.”
What’s your biggest irrational fear?
I’m not freaked out about spiders or critters or anything like that. The only thing that really scares me is anything happening to the people that I love. Everything else is not so bad, honestly.
What helped you heal from your biggest heartbreak?
I lost a dog a few months ago. She was with me for 17 years. Her full name was Ambrosius, named after a character in the movie Labyrinth. She was just this little white, fluffy Maltese — the cutest, sweetest dog ever. I took her with me everywhere. The first job I took her on was Scott Pilgrim, and she just kind of became the set dog. She would go from trailer to trailer, and she was everybody’s best buddy.
It comes in waves of missing and grieving her. And the thing that’s really helpful is being able to talk about her and keep her alive within me. It doesn’t have to be something that’s a closed book and put away, but something that you keep with you.
Who’s the big star of your camera roll?
Definitely my son. I’m sure a lot of moms can relate, but I have no pictures of myself anymore. Sometimes for a job, they’ll be like, “Can you send us a recent picture so we know what your hair looks like right now?” or something, and I’ll just be scrolling through my phone, months and months back, going like, “Where is a picture of me?” It’s just him doing everything, every day.
What’s your biggest regret?
Any time I made myself small for someone else. I wish I could go back and go, “You don’t have to do that for anybody.”
What does your ideal big night out look like?
The best date is going to a great restaurant and a really beautiful concert and just being totally immersed in music. Either that, or going out with a bunch of girlfriends and just having some drinks and laughing and feeling that closeness. There’s less time for that at this point in my life, so when I do get the chance to do that, it’s really meaningful.
What’s the biggest trip you’ve ever taken?
I took a safari to Africa a bunch of years back, and that was the most incredible thing I’ve ever done — just witnessing the landscape and the animals, it was absolutely majestic. I felt like I was seeing something beyond my world, beyond my existence.
What’s worth getting into a big fight over?
I’m not somebody who really gets in big fights, per se. But it’s really important to always speak your truth. And if somebody is trying to dampen that, it’s important to stand your ground and make sure that you say what’s true for you.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned in the past year?
Letting go — because everything’s changing all the time, and it’s something I’m continuing to learn and strive for.
Describe a big moment that had you sweating.
Any time I’ve had to get up on stage and perform, whether it be a play or singing. I did a film [All About Nina] a few years back where I played a stand-up comedian, and that was so scary. The role was incredible, and the challenge was exciting. But it’s one of those things where it’s exciting when you first sign on to it, and then when you actually have to do it, you go, “What have I done?”
Tell us a (big) secret.
Gosh, I feel like I want to parlay some bit of wisdom here — like the big secret of life. But the truth is, at the moment, I feel like I know nothing. So maybe the big secret is that none of us know anything.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.