It's amazing when you get to that point in your relationship where you can relax and fully be yourself, but you want this comfort to only remain a positive. If you're too laid back and stop putting in any effort, you might be exhibiting some
signs that you're too comfortable in your relationship. You want to get to that point where you're not stressing out about the little things, but you also want to make sure you're being cognizant of how your partner feels and make sure you're not letting their feelings and priorities fall by the wayside either.
"When you become
too comfortable in a relationship, you run the risk of not prioritizing the relationship," says psychologist Piper Grant, Psy.D, MPH over email. "When we begin a relationship, we take incredible consideration in taking care of ourselves, presenting ourselves, being considerate of our partner, and putting effort into the relationship. As time goes on, if we begin to feel too comfortable, there is the risk that we don't do all of these things and the relationship can suffer as a result."
Reaching this stage of a relationship involves a delicate balance, because being comfortable with another person can be one of the most enjoyable and rewarding parts of a relationship — you just don't want the the comfort to spark any negatives. Here are 11 signs you're too comfortable in a relationship and your comfort is actually harming it.
You're Always Putting Things Off
You might find that you are procrastinating uncomfortable conversations or even putting off making important changes for yourself or your relationship. "Putting things off until tomorrow, or the next day, or some undefined day in the future doesn’t help things," says
psychologist David J. Glass over email. "It creates a new form of anxiety in your mate, wondering if their needs will ever be met or at least addressed. Make sure you make time for the hard conversations, even if you're feeling presently satisfied.
You Don't Do The Things You Used To Enjoy
Just because you've settled into your relationship doesn't mean you can't enjoy date nights, picnics, and other outings that you used to do together. "These things are fun, and interesting, and kept you and your partner engaged with each other on a shared task," says Glass. "Of course, as your relationship deepens, you don’t need as much external stimuli to perk you up, but you can’t eliminate all external stimuli from your relationship.If you’ve been sitting around doing the same, old things that you always do, take notice, and then start scheduling those 'old style' events for yourselves."
You Take Your Partner For Granted
As steady as your relationship may be, you should never assume a loved one will always be there, no matter what you prioritize. "You can’t systematically give the best of your day and the most of energy to other activities (work, friends, hobbies) while saving whatever you have left for your partner. You need to reserve part of the “best part of you” for the most important person in your life."
Filters often come down once you've spent a good amount of time with someone. "Increased comfort in a relationship can bring increased comfort with saying snarky remarks or comments," says Grant. "These type of comments can undercut a relationship and are disrespectful to a loved one. This comfort with saying these type of comments can be masked with the feeling that a person is just more comfortable to speak their mind, but it's about how the comments are said rather than speaking your truth."
"It is great when sex can be comfortable between two people, and they feel free to be themselves sexually, yet when sex becomes so routine and bland that each person literally takes off their own clothes, lays down and tries to be the first to say 'I call bottom,' then the comfort level has also become not so sexy," says Grant. "In long-term relationships, sex can become routine, and sometimes that can offer a sense of comfort and security. However, when we look at lasting erotic intimacy, some novelty and playfulness is vital. "
You're Not Minding Your Manners
Some partners don't mind if you burp or fart all the time — which is totally fine — but you want to make sure you're still acting respectful, no matter how long you've been together. "Bad manners can come creeping in," says Grant. "An increase in bad manners can be a sign that you are too comfortable in a relationship. It shows that you might not care what your significant other thinks of you."
You're Not Fully Engaged In Conversations
Many people find that when they're too comfortable, they tune their partner out or only half listen to what they're saying. "Communication is key to keep a relationship going, and a partner may cease to have effective communication skills after the dating period," says
psychologist Dr. Natalie Jones, LPCC, PsyD over email. "Dating is all about getting to know someone, and typically conversations are important way to discover things about your ideal mate." Once the dating phase is over, you may feel as though they no longer have to worry about discovery — even though that's not the best for your relationship.
You're Not Taking Care Of Yourself
It's fantastic when you no longer feel like you have to get done up when you're just hanging with your boo, but that doesn't mean you should let your personal health suffer as a result. "When someone becomes too comfortable in a relationship, they may begin to believe that things such as brushing your teeth and showering are no longer necessary," says Grant. "Yet personal grooming is incredibly important not only for personal wellbeing, but also for the comfort of your significant other."
You Don't Actively Show Appreciation
No matter how long you have been together, you don't want to forget about making your partner feel loved or appreciated. "Getting too comfortable can mean forgetting the importance of making your partner feel attractive and special," says
psychotherapist Elayne Savage, PhD over email. "Too much of this forgetting can lead to looking for appreciation elsewhere."
You Ignore Personal Boundaries
"Personal boundaries or respecting privacy are often ignored [when you become too comfortable]," says Savage. Everyone has their own boundaries that they don't want crossed— whether it's barging in to the bathroom or reading their text messages — and it's important to respect them no matter how far into the relationship you are.
You Assume You Can Read Their Mind
You might feel like you really know your partner deeply now, but it's a mistake to believe you always know what they are thinking or feeling. "This is a set-up for disappointment, and disappointment can sometimes feel like rejection," says Savage. No matter how comfortable you feel, communication is always key.