How Do You Know If You're Too Comfortable In A Relationship? 7 Signs You've Stopped Growing
Once you’re in a relationship for a while, leaving can become harder than staying. So, we may just stay because we’re too comfortable in our relationships. We’re not growing from them, but we’re happy enough and have no motivation to make a change.
"While it may feel like there’s no problem, that’s exactly what makes this mentality so destructive," Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, founder of online relationship community Relationup and Relationship Therapist. “We end up settling for something that merely satisfies us rather than something that ignites us and pushes us to be better."
The problem is, when we stay in a relationship just because we're comfortable, we stop growing as people. And our relationships stop growing too, because we may lose the passion we once had with our partners. "The relationship has shifted from being dynamic to static, and with that, the spark and passion have diminished and distance and disengagement have set in," says Milrad. "You feel like roommates or best friends, where you really enjoy and appreciate them but don’t feel like you are connected in the same way you once were.”
Here are some signs you might have become too comfortable in your relationship and stopped growing from it.
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1. You Don’t Work On Your Problems
If things that used to bother you about your relationship don’t anymore, it’s worth asking yourself if you’ve actually resolved them or if you’ve just given up and accepted that you’re not going to get what you want. If you have an “it is what it is” attitude, you may be settling, says Milrad. And you're not growing because you're not addressing what's wrong.
2. You Prefer Spending Time Without Your Partner
In the beginning of your relationship, you might have made an effort to get to know each other’s friends and explore each other’s interests. If that didn’t go as you’d hoped, you might’ve just made peace with it and decided to keep to yourselves, says Milrad. Preferring to be on your own is a sign you might actually prefer to be single. But since you’re getting the best of both worlds — the ability to be in a relationship without having to spend a lot of time with your partner — you don’t try to change the situation.
3. You Don’t Miss Your Partner When You’re Apart
If you used to hate being apart from your partner and now you’re indifferent, your relationship may not mean as much to you as it used to, says Milrad. You may just be in it because it’s comfortable.
4. You Don’t Make An Effort To Please Them
It’s normal to spend less time primping once you and your partner have been together for a while. But if you do things like fart or clip your nails around them without thinking or never make an effort to look nice for them, you may be taking them for granted, Caroline Madden, PhD, marriage therapist and author of How to Go From Soul Mates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps, tells Bustle. “You are doing these private things in front of them because you no longer view your relationship as sexual,” she says. “It’s like they aren’t even there as a person.”
5. You Always Want To Stay In
People who have gotten too comfortable in their relationships may get the sense that the money and time spent going out just isn’t worth it, says Madden. This could mean you’re not getting enjoyment out of going out with your partner, especially if you still get excited to go out with your friends.
6. You’re Seeking Stimulation Elsewhere
People too comfortable in their relationships may develop emotional affairs in order to get the excitement their lives are missing, says Madden. Their partners are boring them, so they talk to someone else instead.
7. You Don’t Really Talk Anymore
You’re no longer stretching each other’s bounds or learning from each other if you’re only talking about meals and plans, says Madden. And you may be doing that because you’ve sensed you don’t have much to learn from each other anymore.