13 Emily Gilmore One-Liners From 'Gilmore Girls' That Should Be Appreciated Way More
Emily Gilmore might not be a Gilmore by birth, but if anyone set the tone for the Gilmore Girls, it was her. The matriarch of the family began the series as Lorelai's overbearing and disapproving mother, but quickly proved herself to be just as funny and just as quick as her daughter and granddaughter. In fact, based on these Emily Gilmore one-liners from Gilmore Girls, it's clear that Lorelai and Rory learned a lot from her.
Throughout Gilmore Girls' seven season run, Emily was known as the queen of the one-liner and insult. No one, and I mean no one, can deliver an insult the way Emily can. Her wit, her sass, and her ability to concisely hit where it hurts were unparalleled. Unlike Lorelai, who famously enjoyed a speedy chat leading up to a joke — "Oy with the poodles already" — Emily preferred a more take no prisoners approach to comedy. And, boy, are we grateful she did. I think most fans would agree that to be on the receiving end of one of Emily's withering stares and savage comments would be an honor. And yet, not all of her one-liners have made it into our modern lexicon. And these are just 13 Emily Gilmore one-liners from Gilmore Girls that should be appreciated way more.
1. "You Wear That In Public?"
Wear a piece of clothing that is not Emily Gilmore-approved? You might as well parade around town naked.
2. "You Can Use Your Mother's Old golf Clubs. They're Upstairs, Gathering Dust, Along With The Rest Of Her Potential."
Emily never missed an opportunity to take a dig at her only daughter, even if it meant criticizing her in front of Rory. Is insulting your granddaughter's only stable parental figure in front of her good etiquette? Emily Gimore did it, so it must be.
3. "Hold on, I'm Looking Up 'Aneurysm' In Our Medical Dictionary To See If I Just Had One."
This perfect one-liner was originally delivered over the phone in the early 2000s, but I think it's safe to say it would be equally as effective via text message in 2018, wouldn't you?
4. "This Is Easily The Most Pointless Conversation We've Ever Had."
Looking for a quick and effective way to shut down a conversation and gain control of a social encounter? Emily Gilmore's succinct jab — "This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had" — does is exactly that. Not only does it shut down the person talking, it also makes you the leader of where the conversation will go next.
5. "I Was Going To Wait Until You Called Me, But My Life Isn't As Long As Yours."
Nothing incites guilt in your child quite like invoking your eventual death. And for those who don't have kids, this is a great way to pester anybody younger than you who is late for something. "Sorry I didn't wait for you before ordering food, but my life isn't as long as yours." Zing!
6. "Ah, How McDonald's Of You."
Emily had this response when Christopher informs him of his "maid-nanny combo," and frankly, I'm still recovering from the extreme shade.
7. "You Brought Us Used Dessert?"
In Emily speak, "used" means "leftover," which means she'd consider every other meal of a 20-something "used" and that's just perfect.
8. "No One Needs A Comment From You."
This has been, How To Stop A Quip In Its Path 101 with Emily Gilmore. Got a friend constantly looking to show off how clever they are? Say this the next time they open their mouth to utter a quick clap back and they will never be the same again.
9. "You Have Your Mother's Wit." — Natalie "Sometimes I Wish She'd Give It Back." — Emily
There is no one-liner better than Emily asserting her comedic dominance over her daughter in front of friends at Thanksgiving dinner.
10. "Do You Think You'll Be Single Your Entire Life?"
Like most mothers, Emily knows the power of invoking the "s" word — single. For her, "single" doesn't mean "single" it means "dying alone."
11. "Well, If I Wanted To Play Ping-Pong I Would Just Kill Myself."
Only Emily Gilmore would find such a piercing and hilarious way to say, essentially, "ping pong is so basic."
12. "Young Man, I Don't Know Where That's Been, But I Can Say With Absolute Certainty It Won't Be Going Anywhere Near My Mouth."
If you ask Emily Gilmore to take a breathalyzer test she will straight up murder you with her words, and that's a fact.
13. "At Least She Had A Husband To Kill."
Another dig at her single daughter, this one is likely underrated because of its simplicity, but one cannot deny the brilliant effectiveness of telling your daughter you wish she had a husband to murder.
Emily Gilmore would probably find Twitter beneath her, and she would be right, but oh, to imagine the dumb comments she could shut down with little more than the original 140 characters.