13 Things That Will No Longer Matter When You're With Your Soulmate
Being in a relationship with your soulmate can be unlike any other relationship you've ever been in before. For instance, you may have great chemistry, you bond over things easily, and everything just seems to click. Although it isn't easy to tell if you're partner is it, experts say, you'll know you've found your soulmate if certain things no longer matter to you.
"When you're in a relationship, you have two competing desires: the Me and the We," Steve Dziedzic, relationship expert and founder and CEO of Lasting, tells Bustle. The "Me desire" is the part of you that looks out for yourself and your sense of freedom, while the "We desire" pushes you to invest in the relationship and your partner. While the "Me desire" never leaves you, Dziedzic says that being with someone you love will make it easier for you to move towards the We.
That's the kind of thing that happens when you finally meet your soulmate — you become more willing to let go of the things that solely benefit and protect you. "When you're with the right person, the health of the relationship comes first," he says. "And it turns out that this is the truest marker of a healthy relationship: sacrificing for the We while not violating the Me."
So when you've found your soulmate, experts say the following things will no longer matter.
1. Whether Or Not You're "Good Enough"
When you finally find your soulmate, you'll feel comfortable enough to be exactly who you are. You won't worry so much about how you're going to impress your partner and you likely won't feel the need to hide parts of yourself that you deem undesirable. "In many ways, this is awesome because we find ourselves letting our guard down and showing who we truly are," psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, founder of Hello Goodlife, tells Bustle. "But what's really cool, is that true self is often so much better than the masked self ever was, so that is a great benefit in itself."
2. What Their Friends And Family Think Of You (And Your Personal Feelings About Them)
If you're close to your partner's friends and family members, then great. If not, that's OK too. Because as eharmony's chief of advice Jeannie Assimos, tells Bustle, "When someone is 'The One,' [...] you learn how to deal with their family because your partner is who you want to spend your life with." While it can be difficult, you can learn how to find a common ground.
When you're not in a secure place in your relationship, arguments can be kind of scary. You never know if the smallest disagreement will lead to a breakup. But when you've finally found your soulmate, you won't worry so much about arguments because you know you and your partner will work through it together. "There's no worry that a word or a particularly large fight will make them leave you or run away," Assimos says. "You know that you will be OK and your partner will always come back to you."
4. Sex-Related Insecurities
You know you've found your person when you can talk openly and honestly about sex with them. Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, especially at the start of a relationship. But when you're with your soulmate, Dr. Connie Omari, clinician and owner of Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle, you'll be willing to withstand any awkwardness in an effort to create a satisfying sex life for the two of you. "Truth be told, your soulmate should be invested in your sexual satisfaction, so whatever awkward feelings you have about talking about this topic is worth the discomfort in the long-run," she says.
5. What To Talk About
Running out of things to talk about is a legitimate fear to have, especially if you've been with your partner forever. But when you've finally found the right one, Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert with Too Timid tells Bustle, you should feel as if there's nothing you can't talk about. You can easily share your opinions about politics, pop culture, money, and pretty much anything you can think of. When you're with your soulmate, you're always going to have someone there who will make you feel seen and heard. They may not always agree with you, but they will always listen.
6. What The Future Is Going To Bring
It's easy to get anxious and push your relationship to move at faster pace if you're unsure of where your partner is at. But when you're with your soulmate, you can relax. You can enjoy the present and allow the relationship to unfold in a natural way because you're very clear about where things are headed. "You have no feelings of the relationship being temporary or ending anytime soon," Riel says. "You have a peace of mind that they too, feel the same way."
7. Social Media
There's nothing wrong with gushing about how awesome your partner is on social media. But when you're in a new or unstable relationship, there’s a tendency to overcompensate by talking about it non-stop or over-posting on social media. "Social scientists call this 'relationship visibility' and too much of it indicates that you’re masking your relationship insecurities by blitzing the world with news of how happy you are," Amica Graber, relationship expert for TruthFinder, tells Bustle. When you're truly safe and secure in your relationship, you won't feel the need to seek validation from other people. At the same time, you won't need to worry about your partner's social media habits because you trust them.
8. Being "Boring"
The intense passion you experience at the beginning of a relationship can only last so long. But when you're with your soulmate, author Cindi Sansone-Braff, "The Romance Whisperer," tells Bustle, you'll have a deeper kind of chemistry that doesn't involve sex at all. "It's a deep heart, soul, and mind connection that fuels deeper passion," she says. It's the kind of thing that makes you happy just being around your partner even if you're not doing anything. Your relationship may not be as wild and intense as it used to be, but that's OK. According to Sansone-Braff, true soulmate love is peaceful.
9. Being Right
Being with your soulmate means having the ability to let the small things go. "You care more about the health and happiness of your relationship rather than your personal need to be right all the time," licensed psychotherapist, Shirin Peykar, M.A., LMFT, tells Bustle. Instead of doing or saying things that will fulfill your personal needs, the success of your relationship will come first.
10. The Superficial Things
Gifts, trips, and other grand gestures of love can be great, especially in the early stages when you're still trying to win each other over. But these aren't the only reasons why you're choosing to stay with your partner. When you're with your soulmate, you're choosing them because they make you feel loved and respected.
"True love is a soulful experience," Rabbi Judy, relationship expert from Nachshon Minyan, tells Bustle. "You can tell if it’s really true and you look at these outer things (money, power, and prestige) and if you would still want that person — that’s how you know. You can rest assured those outside things will all go away if you are going to be with someone for a lifetime."
11. Your List Of What A Partner Should Be Like
Everyone has their flaws. If you're willing to accept your partner for who they are, you've found "The One." According to Peykar, "There's depth to the relationship because you have similar values and you like their characteristics."
12. What They're Doing When You're Physically Apart
"Research shows that thinking about a loved one reduces negative thinking and the impact of distressful feelings," Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells Bustle. "So if you find that the thought of your partner helps you to cope with stress or frustration, it may be a sign of a meaningful connection." So if you find comfort in thinking of your partner when you're apart, instead of stressing over what they're doing, why they aren't texting you, or who they may or may not be hanging out with, you could have a keeper.
13. What's Missing In Your Relationship
"Being with the right person, or your soulmate, should make you feel complete," Dr. Omari says. You won't have to worry about what's missing in your relationship because you'll be happy with what's in front of you. While this doesn't mean that things will be perfect, Dr. Omai says, it does mean that your life will change in a good way because your partner is now part of it.
Finding your soulmate can take some time. It may even take some trial and error. But if you're dating someone and none of the above things really matter, you may have found your perfect someone.