14 Funny Tweets From People Who Have Already Broken Their New Year's Resolutions

Share

New Year's resolutions aren't easy to stick to. Some research suggests 40 percent of us set goals for the coming year. Unfortunately, a whopping 63 percent of us fail to stick to them, with 80 percent of us lasting only until the end of March. "New year, new me," is more like, "New year, new me, but JK because it's only for three months!" — unless you're one of these people who already gave up on their resolutions within just two days into 2018.

There are a number of reasons we don't stick to goals. Some of us set resolutions that are too big and unreasonable. For instance, if you gorge yourself on a pot of coffee each day, cutting it out cold turkey might not be the most reliable approach. Another mistake is setting goals we can't measure. Having a resolution to save money is great, except how do you gauge progress? Vowing to save 10 percent of your paycheck, however, allows for tracking your actions. It's details like these that make sticking to your goals harder than more of us anticipate.

Maybe that's what went wrong with these folks, who, in some cases, lasted minutes into the new year before calling it quitsies on their resolutions. You could maybe feel bad if these weren’t so funny.

1Turning On Read Receipts

That's bold, and let's be honest: lasting five minutes with your read receipts on is impressive. That's about four minutes and 45 seconds longer than the average human being, according to experts (me).

2When You Really Want To Love Yourself

Masturbation is good for you, so have at it. Really, you’re taking care of your health, so you’re ahead of the game. Just, you know, wash your hands after.

3Surviving 30 Seconds

For those 30 seconds, you were doing a really good job, though. The glass is half full, friends. Of beer, apparently.

4When You Can't Even

Accurate representation of all of us after we've given up on our New Year's resolution almost immediately.

5Requesting A Do-Over

It was only 3:05 in the morning. Everyone was probably sleeping. Nobody was watching. You could easily start over — nobody has to know. Shh...

6There Is No "Try"

35 minutes? Try harder, cousin.

7When You Suck At Being Positive

Try looking at it with a more positive attitude: you made it a half hour, which means you’re really good at failing. That’s something to be proud of.

8Trying To Catch Some Much Needed ZZZs

Then again, if you look as good as Katy Perry when you haven't slept, is life really all that bad?

9The Anti-Resolutioner

Does this make anyone's brain hurt besides mine?

10Trying To Blend In

Normal is overrated. You were born to sparkle.

11A Gassy 2018

What exactly is Nick eating? Also, are you still alive?

12Snapchatting Under The Influence

It happens to the best of us. Many of us have learned a hard lesson or two after tweeting or Facebooking while drunk.

13Spiking A Fever

Legitimate health concerns don't count. Also, do you need medical attention?

14Setting A New Personal Record

For those two hours of your life, you were a slightly better person. That's something to celebrate.