14 Funny Tweets From People Who Have Already Broken Their New Year's Resolutions
New Year's resolutions aren't easy to stick to. Some research suggests 40 percent of us set goals for the coming year. Unfortunately, a whopping 63 percent of us fail to stick to them, with 80 percent of us lasting only until the end of March. "New year, new me," is more like, "New year, new me, but JK because it's only for three months!" — unless you're one of these people who already gave up on their resolutions within just two days into 2018.
There are a number of reasons we don't stick to goals. Some of us set resolutions that are too big and unreasonable. For instance, if you gorge yourself on a pot of coffee each day, cutting it out cold turkey might not be the most reliable approach. Another mistake is setting goals we can't measure. Having a resolution to save money is great, except how do you gauge progress? Vowing to save 10 percent of your paycheck, however, allows for tracking your actions. It's details like these that make sticking to your goals harder than more of us anticipate.
Maybe that's what went wrong with these folks, who, in some cases, lasted minutes into the new year before calling it quitsies on their resolutions. You could maybe feel bad if these weren’t so funny.
1. Turning On Read Receipts
That's bold, and let's be honest: lasting five minutes with your read receipts on is impressive. That's about four minutes and 45 seconds longer than the average human being, according to experts (me).
2. When You Really Want To Love Yourself
Masturbation is good for you, so have at it. Really, you’re taking care of your health, so you’re ahead of the game. Just, you know, wash your hands after.
3. Surviving 30 Seconds
For those 30 seconds, you were doing a really good job, though. The glass is half full, friends. Of beer, apparently.
4. When You Can't Even
Accurate representation of all of us after we've given up on our New Year's resolution almost immediately.
5. Requesting A Do-Over
It was only 3:05 in the morning. Everyone was probably sleeping. Nobody was watching. You could easily start over — nobody has to know. Shh...
6. There Is No "Try"
35 minutes? Try harder, cousin.
7. When You Suck At Being Positive
Try looking at it with a more positive attitude: you made it a half hour, which means you’re really good at failing. That’s something to be proud of.
8. Trying To Catch Some Much Needed ZZZs
Then again, if you look as good as Katy Perry when you haven't slept, is life really all that bad?
9. The Anti-Resolutioner
Does this make anyone's brain hurt besides mine?
10. Trying To Blend In
Normal is overrated. You were born to sparkle.
11. A Gassy 2018
What exactly is Nick eating? Also, are you still alive?
12. Snapchatting Under The Influence
It happens to the best of us. Many of us have learned a hard lesson or two after tweeting or Facebooking while drunk.
13. Spiking A Fever
Legitimate health concerns don't count. Also, do you need medical attention?
14. Setting A New Personal Record
For those two hours of your life, you were a slightly better person. That's something to celebrate.