14 Funny V-Day Quotes For Cards
A young woman laughing hard while having a conversation with her partner and holding hands
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Valentine's Day doesn't just have to be about love and romance — it could be focused on laughs and humor, too. If you're looking for the perfect thing to add to your V-Day cards, a funny Valentine's Day quote or two might be just the ticket. (And they're especially good for those brand new relationships where you want to acknowledge the day, but not come on too strongly.)

As the years progress, it's more and more appropriate to see Valentine's Day as a day of love in general. You can celebrate with your spouse, or your parents. It's a holiday to pretty much reflect on the emotion of love — not just romantic love.

Even though you're probably too old to buy a box of small Valentine's Day cards to send to your friends like you in elementary school, you're never too old to send a general greeting card. In fact, it might truly bring someone a lot of joy — especially someone who's been a bit down due to the cold weather (or the holiday bills that are still staring down at them — yikes, Christmas is expensive).

If you're interested in spreading a little bit of kindness and love, and making someone smile or laugh, here are a few very funny Valentine's Day quotes you can use.


"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." — Charles M. Schulz

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Valentine's Day is a big day for chocolate. If your card accompanies a small arrangement of candy goodies, this quote from the creator of Peanuts is just about perfect.


"Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion." — Honore de Mirabeau

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If you're writing to someone who is a bit cynical on the idea of romance, this quote sums it all up perfectly — and will likely make him or her laugh a bit.


"It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week." — Laurence J. Peter

For those who suffered through a big split, this quote will totally ring true. Surely their water bill declined quite a bit afterward everything has settled down.


"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia." — Judith Viorst

Hey, she speaks the truth.


"No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along." — Joyce Brothers

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Personally, I wish I could turn back time and have the college-aged version of myself read this quote. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. This quote is guaranteed to make all of your favorite ladies laugh.


"Remember your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words." — Melanie White

Hey, sometimes Hallmark just knows exactly how you feel. You can't fault them for that.


"Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy Valentine’s Day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!" — Greg Giraldo

While I definitely think that everyone should celebrate Valentine's Day no matter what, the late Greg Giraldo's risque holiday-themed bit is hilarious both on-stage, and written in text. This might be funnier to recite in person than put in a card.


"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni

It's short, it's clever, and it'll make the holiday way more fun.


"A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick." — Mary Wilson

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Can you relate? First loves are pretty painful, when you look back at them. This funny quote is perfect for a friend who might be going through it firsthand with their son or daughter. Or, someone who had quite a notable first relationship.


"I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner

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Marriage is a wonderful thing — and this is a wonderful quote to include to someone whose honeymoon period is over. (This might just be your own husband or wife.)


"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are." — Will Ferrell

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Will Ferrell is totally correct — nothing makes someone lose their cool in 2017 like a slow internet connection. This quote is great for the friend with engagement (or a wedding) on the horizon.


"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero

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Comedian Natasha Leggero's quote is absolutely perfect for your best girl friend.


"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." — George Burns

Love can be quietly painful at times, so yes — it definitely has a lot in common with a backache.


"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz

This is the perfect quote to send to a longtime husband or wife. Marriage is a funny thing, and if you've been at it (and happily in love) for quite some time, you deserve a little recognition, you crazy-person you.