14 People On When They Knew Something Was "Off" About A Friend's Partner
It doesn't matter how cynical you think you are. In those early, intoxicating days of a new relationship, you're not likely to pick up on dating red flags, even if they're waving directly in your face, snapping merrily in the breeze of the impending storm. In fact, you might see them as desirable qualities. He wants to know your social media passwords because he just loves pranking people. She stood you up because she's too capricious and whimsical to keep a calendar. He hasn't introduced you to a single family member because he wants to keep you all to himself. These would be warning signs to anyone outside the relationship, but infatuation does funny things to the human brain.
To be fair, people turn a blind eye to their partner's less-than-ideal qualities all the time. Psychologists even suggest that this can be an integral part of a long-term relationship; a 2013 report found that people who trust their partners tend to view past transgressions in a more forgiving light than those who trust their partners less. As Robertson Davies put it, "The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend." If you really think your partner is a blessing upon this world, it's going to take a lot to change your mind.
But sometimes, this means that relationship warning signs go over your head, especially in a new relationship. The good news, though, is that friends and family are still on the lookout — and a recent Ask Reddit thread shows just how closely they keep an eye on things. On Wednesday, Reddit user u/Nameshavebeenaltered asked, "What made you realise [sic] there was something off about your friend's SO?"
Boy, did Reddit respond. Half a day and more than 6,000 comments later, the thread was filled with dating horror stories from an outside perspective: a friend's girlfriend with a penchant for threats, less-than-charming husbands that turn out to be bonkers, and so on. You can head over to the thread on Reddit to check out the comments for yourself, but the highlights can be found below.
1. Controlling the Phones
Limiting someone's phone, and by extension, their access to the outside world, isn't just an invasion of privacy. It's a recognized sign of an abusive relationship. The second anyone tries to control your platonic relationships, run for the hills.
2. A Year At Work (And Only Work)
After an entire year, she still hasn't been to his place? Your last name doesn't have to be Holmes to find this suspicious.
3. Lecturing Away The Fun
It's one thing to beg your partner to stop doing the worm on a crowded dance floor. It's another to make them feel self-conscious about goofing off with their friends.
4. The Controlling Fiance
Making someone leave early and isolating them from their own friends are clear signs of controlling behavior. Needless to say, it's not healthy.
5. Strip Poker
It appears this Reddit user befriended some swingers — or at least a dude who has absolutely no shame or sense of boundaries.
6. A Man With Shark Eyes
In case you're wondering, the user went on to explain that his sister got a restraining order.
7. Failure To Parent
Fun fact: Fathers are parents, too, which means they bear equal responsibility to do the dirty work. Why stay with a man who thinks women should perform all the childcare?
8. Rule Number 1
Well, this is alarming.
9. The Flip Side
Unlike most of the other comments, this user's friend was the one throwing up red flags left and right. Don't make up stuff about your partner, kids.
10. Learning From Rom Coms
To be fair, we've all learned things from romantic comedies. But eventually, you have to realize that their lessons should be taken with a grain (or entire tablespoon) of salt.
11. Catching The Gay
Despite popular belief, it's not actually possible to turn someone gay. You also can't catch it by standing next to someone. Next, please.
12. Fake Cheating
If she did accept his fake advances, would it still be cheating? Does he realize he's a self-defeating douchebag? These are the kind of questions that keep me up at night.
13. The Serial Liar
According to this user, "Jessica" had a penchant for lying about small things, which became apparent early on. In the end, though, it turns out she lied about everything. In conclusion, never trust the Internet.
14. Trust The Canine Instinct
The moral of this story? Always trust a dog's first impression. That's the kind of content I can get behind.