16 Things You Wanted From Infomercials In The '90s
We were never so impressionable as children sitting in front of the TV watching infomercial after infomercial. They defied all laws of logic and somehow made us believe we needed everything. Of course we needed to play golf while we were taking a pee. Of course we needed markers you had to BLOW in to use. Why not?! Most of the things you wanted from infomercials in the '90s were probably completely unnecessary and maybe even totally outrageous, but nothing stopped you. You'd beg your mom to call the number on the screen and make four easy payments of $19.99 so all your dreams could come true. Otherwise, she was the worst mom in the world, was ruining your life, and never bought you anything.
We all can probably agree the '90s were a time of experimenting. Just look at bowl cuts. We weren't afraid to think outside the box, which would help explain Thighmasters and BeDazzlers. The '90s birthed some of the greatest trends and fads we'll ever know — some of which, I argue, were completely under-appreciated (*cough* Hairagami).
If you spent a lot of time in front of the tube during the '90s, you probably remember obsessing over at least one of these.
1. The Potty Putter
If you're not practicing your swing while you're sitting on the can, don't you think that's an opportunity missed? Get a hole in one while you're doing a number two, and make all your friends jealous when you get back on the green. FORE!
2. A Thighmaster
Do it in front of the TV. Do it lounging by the pool. Do it at the office while being sure to make uncomfortable eye contact with all your coworkers. Slim your thighs and get back into your favorite sensible, high-waisted mom jeans. If Suzanne Somers can do it, so can you. Thanks, Thighmaster.
3. A Reading With Miss Cleo
There was no fake psychic tarot card reader like Miss Cleo. You always yearned for her emotional and spiritual guidance, and wanted her to answer some of your life's biggest mysteries — like who was really responsible for the death of your Tamagotchi while you were away at camp? Call me now!
4. Elastic Plastic Balloons
#SCIENCE. How did they do it? Elastic Plastic still has us scratching our heads to this day. Wasn't it incredible what '90s technology could achieve?
For just $39.95, you too could easily apply studs and gemstones that came out totally crooked and ruined an otherwise perfectly wearable shirt!
We considered asking for a refund when we realized our own creations looked nothing like those in the commercial; but the sound Floam made when you squished it and pulled it apart was just too good.
Your mom was all, "Do you think we're made of money?!" and you were all, "What am I supposed to do? Just pull my ponytail through my hair BY HAND?" Oh... wait...
8. Kidz Bop
Nothing gave you greater pleasure than jamming out to the hottest tunes in all their family-friendly goodness — until your little sib accidentally scratched the CD and ruined your life.
9. BLO Pens
No, no, we were not remotely concerned about sticking one end of a marker in our mouths. Don't be a weenie.
10. BaByliss Magic Twist
It was all fun and games until it ripped a chunk of your hair out. Had to have it anyway.
11. Nickelodeon Magazine
You were so hip and cool and needed to stay on top of current events. Nick magazine was a must, even if you only looked at the pictures.
Just fold, wrap, and snap! And how 'bout that snap-action scrunchie? This might've been the greatest thing to come out of the '90s.
13. Hooked on Phonics
Hooked on Phonics works for me! READING IS FUN.
14. Better Blocks
We didn't want ordinary building blocks. We wanted glow-in-the-dark Better Blocks, because as children, we always played in pitch blackness.
15. Marvin's Magic Drawing Board
What kind of sorcery is this? How did they do it? I want answers, and I want them now.
16. Rainbow Art
Dip, dab, and draw! Those rainbow colors were mesmerizing AF, and it was no-drip. Mom loved this one.