As Luann de Lesseps has sung "Money Can't Buy You Class." Unfortunately, that could not be more accurate, especially on the Real Housewives of New York cast's Miami trip. There were many times when Luann managed to make everything about herself and had to be reminded that life is not, in fact, a cabaret. But it sure seemed like she was on center stage the whole time.
Are the sold out shows going to her head? It sure seems like it. On the June 5 episode, she actually told Ramona Singer that the other ladies were "jealous" of her success. Really? Aren't they all cast members on the same show? They all have their own side businesses as well. Why would they be jealous? Especially when they've all gone out of the way to support Luann.
The most recent episode was a tough one for Sonja Morgan, but it all came back to Luann, as per usual. After another night of partying, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer suggested that Sonja go to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting since Luann previously invited her. Sonja understood that they just wanted to help her and she was open to attending, she said, but really didn't want to go with Luann, of all people. Still, she went.
However, the stories during that meeting triggered her and she just couldn't help being emotional. The normally upbeat Sonja was truly affected. Thankfully, the other Housewives were there for her to lean on. Well, everyone except for Luann. She ditched a crying Sonja to swim in the ocean and that wasn't even the only oblivious move she made.
It was a cringe-worthy episode for a lot of reasons.
1. She Took Over Bethenny's Pep Talk For Sonja
Bethenny had a heart to heart with Sonja about attending an AA meeting. Sonja was very receptive, but Luann just had to insert herself. When Bethenny told Sonja, "You're teetering on the edge," Luann came through with a correction. The Countess declared, "No, she's teetering off the edge. That's the scary part." Alright, Lu. Semantics are what matter here.
2. She Became The Fashion Police Of AA
After criticizing Sonja's AA meeting attire, Luann told Bethenny, "You haven't been to the meetings." When Bethenny revealed, "I have. I went to one recently," Luann insisted, "You haven't been to the one in Miami. It's not appropriate. Believe me." When did she become the fashion police?
3. She Didn't Have Barbara's Back
After a whole season of sticking up for Luann, Barbara Kavovit revealed that she feels excluded from the group. Instead of helping her acclimate, Luann jumped on the criticism band wagon. She, Ramona, and Bethenny even talked about how energy is "everything" in unison, just making Barbara feel more left out.
4. She Left Sonja Waiting While She Changed Her Outfit
She told Sonja to meet her by the door for the AA meeting, made her wait, and then declared that it doesn't matter if she and Sonja are late because "they don't judge you." But, apparently, they cast judgments based on outfits.
5. She Compared Talking At An AA Meeting To Being On Stage
When Tinsley Mortimer asked Sonja if she spoke at the AA meeting, Sonja didn't even get a chance to respond. Instead, Luann talked about how she loves talking in meetings and compared it to the cabaret. Yes, she actually had the nerve to say, "You know I like to be on stage."
6. She Worried About The Seating Arrangement For Lunch While Sonja Cried
Sonja was moved after the meeting, talking about all the suffering she witnessed. While she broke down in tears, Luann said "I thought were having lunch" and made a fuss over the seating arrangements for a poolside lunch. While. Her. Friend. Cried.
7. She Asked To Swim
Sonja divulged, "I'm so happy right now. At the same time, I feel very alone in the process of my daughter's life. Her dad is so old now and he's not going to be around to fill in the gaps." Dorinda Medley responded like a caring friend agreeing that it was a "scary" thought.
Luann didn't even acknowledge what Sonja said. She just asked the group, "Anyone want to go for a swim at the beach?"
Dorinda remarked, "Maybe Luann needs to get a hearing test. Does she not hear that Sonja's upset? Can she not give the swim a minute?" Elegance is learned, my friends.
8. She Ignored Ramona
Luann was looking at her phone and not acknowledging any of her messages when she ditched the cast to go to the beach alone. The editors made sure to include that iPhone sound when a message is received. So, no, she did not come through and pick up the fries that the ladies already ordered and paid for.
9. She Didn't Check On Sonja
Even though this happened in the episode before, Sonja couldn't help admitting, "I'm still upset that Luann didn't come to my room last night when everyone else was there checking on me."
It really all added up for poor Sonja. She continued, "And now she needs to go to the beach? Not only should she be with me, but she should be with the group." Exactly!
10. She Ditched The Cast
The whole cast bonded during a heartfelt conversation at lunch. Instead, Luann went off alone to look at a post with her own face on it. She even said it looked "Amazing."
11. She Shut Down Sonja's Attempt To Talk
Sonja tried to tell Luann that she hurt her feelings when she left for the beach while she was crying. Luann rebuffed her comments and declared, "We're in Miami. I wanted to go to the beach."
After mocking her for "being emotional," Luann told Sonja, "To watch you carry on was a little bit baffling. That's all I gotta say." Is being condescending to a friend in need breaking the "Girl Code?" If not, it should be. Shaking my head, Lu.
12. She Said Sonja Wanted A Lot Of Attention
Sonja recalled, "In the car, I brought up a couple of the things with you [from the meeting] and you just didn't want to get into it." Instead of addressing Sonja's hurt feelings, Luann theorized, "I think you wanted a lot of attention." Really? Luann is the one who planned a whole afternoon around taking a picture of herself in front of another picture of herself.
13. She Blamed Everyone Else When Her Hair Wasn't Dry
Ramona felt bad that Luann wasn't ready to go out yet, so she nicely stayed behind so Luann wouldn't be alone while the others headed out. Unfortunately, Luann was not grateful for that.
She greeted Ramona with "I'm in the bathroom trying to dry my hair and get ready. Of course, last, but not least on the totem pole of getting hair done. Everybody got their hair blown out and massages. I didn't get jack sh*t."
She wasn't home when the massage therapist got there because she was enthralled by her own poster. Ramona tried to explain that it was first come first serve, but Luann wasn't listening. Again.
14. She Was "Stressed Out" Over The Massage List
Bethenny asked how Luann's afternoon was and she answered, "I was stressed out because I was the last one on the massage list." How is that at all stressful.
It's not even like she missed out on the massages. She got one, but said it was "very rushed. I had people in my room every five seconds." Life is rough. She also complained, "The hairdresser was wiped out because you all did your hair." Drying shoulder length hair on your own really isn't a tough task, Lu.
15. She Gave Barbara A Hug To Stop Her From Talking
Barbara tried to explain why she was so upset with Lu. She began, "When you were in rehab, I stopped my life for you." Then she reflected on that afternoon and admitted, "I just wanted you to come up to me, give me a big Lu hug, and tell me 'It's gonna be OK. I'm here for you. Don't worry about it.'"
Luann cut her off in the middle of talking and gave her hug, preventing Barbara from sharing her feelings. Again. During her confessional, Luann theorized, "This comes straight from the women and they have been brain washing her." Sure, Lu.
16. She Made Bethenny's Comment About Dennis About Herself
Things really went left after that forced hug. Tinsley stumbled on her words standing up for Barbara. Luann mocked her for "slurring" and then Bethenny snapped at Luann, "When's the last time you asked me how I am about Dennis [Shields]?"
Luann responded, "When's the last time you asked me how I am?" And Bethenny retorted, "All the time."
Luann still didn't get it and Bethenny rattled off a long list about how she helped Luann with her sobriety, legal issues, and even the logistics of her rehab stay. Luann wasn't budging. Bethenny couldn't help hyperventilating. The drama was its climax... and the episode ended with "to be continued."
Hopefully, Luann learned a lesson or two when she watched this episode. Otherwise, she will have to change the title of her cabaret show from "Countess & Friends" to "Countess With No Friends."