Wedding season is in high gear; and for all the lucky folks who've received an invite, I've got a special treat to aid you in navigating the nuptials: things you should never do at a wedding, under any circumstances, courtesy of Reddit. Some of these may seem like no-brainers, but try telling that to the gal who showed up to a wedding I went to, wearing a white, floor-length gown.
Don't be that girl.
Every year in the United States, 2.3 million couples get married. That comes down to about 6,200 weddings every day. Every day, people. The average number of wedding guests totals in at around 178. That means that for the average wedding, there are 178 people who could possibly screw up your big day by committing some egregious wedding faux pas. It doesn't matter if the bride was the biggest bridezilla in the world, or if the soon-to-be-newlyweds are making insane demands on their bridesmaids and groomsmen — you don't want to be that person who downs one too many glasses of champagne and takes down the wedding cake while trying to remember how to do the Cupid Shuffle.
Take the advice of these Redditors and try not to commit any of the following wedding crimes.
1. Asking When It's Your Turn To Kiss The Bride
Uncomfortable, party of one? Your table is ready!
2. Being Wasteful Of Drinks From The Open Bar
"If [it's] a free bar then you [shouldn't] leave half finished drinks everywhere and just get a new one. Your costing your friend thousands of bucks and you wouldn't be so lazy if you were paying."
People, we're not going to ask you again. Finish your alcohol. Show some respect!
It's someone else's wedding day; pop the question some other time.
4. Announcing Your Pregnancy
5. Showing Up Wearing Your Own Wedding Dress
6. Wearing A Long, White Dress Of Any Kind, Period
There are approximately 4,502,155,354 other colors to choose from. Pick one of those.
7. Handing Out Business Cards
Yes, yes, I know. Weddings! So many people! Great networking opportunity! Except it's not. Save your elevator pitch for another day.
8. Bringing Children, If The Invite Asks Not To
Kids are adorable. They're tiny blessings. But if the invite specifies no kids allowed, leave the rugrats at home and go party your butt off!
9. Asking The Newlyweds When You Can Expect Their Family To Grow
We know people don't mean to be rude, but the decision to have (or not have) children is such a private matter. Best not to mention it unless they do first.
10. Picking Up The Flowers The Flower Girl Dropped
Those petals are supposed to be there. Just leave them.
11. Raising An Objection When The Priest Asks
HARDY HAR. Oldest joke in the book. Don't raise your hand. Don't cough or clear your throat. People will roll their eyes at you, and your invitation to any future events will be revoked.
12. Bringing Up Any Exes
Let's leave the past in the past. In fact, let's dig a hole and bury it.
13. Drinking In Excess
Is the open bar calling you? Tell him to call back later, because this isn't the time or the place to get sloshed.
14. Getting In The Photographer's Way
This includes but is not limited to standing in front of them, trying to talk to them, or wearing a ridiculously tall but otherwise adorable up-do and then sitting directly in front of them.
15. Trying To Take Your Own Flash Photography
This is why we hire photographers. Put your phone away, or at least turn the flash off. And if you're the person that I sat close to at a recent wedding who whipped out a disposable camera, are you aware of what year it is?
16. Revealing Horribly Embarrassing Details In A Speech
Some stories are harmless. If you're the maid of honor and you're telling everyone about that time you and the bride Jennifer got so totally drunk in Cabo, big deal. That's what everyone's spring break looks like. But nobody needs to know that Jennifer when back to her room with the hotel's electrician and didn't emerge until two days later.
17. Showing Up Late
Sometimes, there's a good reason; so you show up late because you wouldn't want to miss it for the world. But if you show up late just because you suck at getting places on time, then shame, shame, shame on you!