As any seasoned
Schitt's Creek viewer knows, everything Moira Rose does is extra. Not only is she prone to extravagant vocabulary, outrageous outfits, and an impossibly unplaceable accent, but even her pajamas feature both a vest and a brooch. So it only stands to reason that Moira's wigs on would be just as dramatic and ever-changing as she is. Schitt's Creek
While Moira's actual hairdo is a dirty blonde, shoulder-length lob with black dye underneath, she prefers to mix things up as often as possible. A bubblegum pink wig? Check. A blunt, layered look named "Maureen"? Absolutely. A short, curly thing that looks like a prairie dog nest? Sadly, also yes.
Moira is also clearly fiercely protective of her wigs, as no one is allowed to touch them (and why Stevie, David, and Alexis relish in trying them on while Mrs. Rose is in Bosnia filming
The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening). In fact, she even has a spreadsheet detailing where each wig hangs so she'll know if anyone dares lay their hands on them. For the rest of us, though, they're a little hard to keep track of. So to commemorate Moira's big, beautiful, glorious wig collection, here are 18 of her best pieces, ranked in descending order.
The Existential Crisis Bob
Moira dons this gray number after being frustrated about what people are saying about her online. It frames her face well, but it's a bit too ordinary for the great Moira Rose to wear on a daily basis.
We learn that this wig's name is Maureen, and "she doesn't like to be manhandled." She certainly has a lot of personality, as is evidenced by the blonde layered over slightly longer black. It's a weird look, and no one but Moira could pull it off so effortlessly.
A look that screams "kooky grade school teacher takes students on a field trip," but sexy.
This beautiful, angular bob is one of the more natural pieces Moira owns.
The Midwestern Flight Attendant
Between her outfit and exaggerated curls, Moira looks like a stewardess named Gail who lives in a flyover state. She loves chewing gum, catching up on all the hot goss, and cyberbullying her son's Algebra teacher.
This wig is simultaneously very bad and very good. Yes, the red streak makes Moira look like Rufio, the head of the Lost Boys from
Hook, but she somehow rocks it.
Schitt Better Have My Money
This color can only be described as "Rihanna red," and it suits Moira perfectly.
This wig looks like it has been round-brushed within an inch of its life — in a good way. The blonde streaks frame her face before flipping skyward. It's a vibe we hope she keeps coming back to "time after time" (get it?).
A stunning little number that can't decide what length it wants to be.
Queen Elizabeth I, But Make It Punk
Paired with her Tudor ruff and pearl drop earrings, Moira looks like she just
Outlander-ed herself forward in time and learned about hairspray somewhere along the way. It's a magnificent disaster.
The seafoam green color and short layers look straight out of a show like
Sailor Moon or Lucky Star.
If Madeleine grew up and got super into The Cure, this would be the resulting look — blunt bangs and hair the color of a crow's eye.
The Down-To-Earth Mullet
In an attempt to get a lower price on a used car, Moira adopts an outlandish persona, complete with a cockney accent and a tragic backstory involving Russian mobsters. Her bizarre hair is just the cherry on top of an already ridiculous "toggery," which she describes as a tribute to the common woman.
After rumors she's dead spread online, Moira puts on a showstopping ensemble for a local camera crew. And although they leave before she finishes getting ready, her end result looks like if Goldilocks were thrust into
The Matrix. Her cascading curls are too yellow to make any real sense, but it certainly makes a statement.
Moira keeps getting
so close to sporting Cruella De Vil hair, and this look is halfway there. It's a shocking white color sure to turn heads wherever she goes.
When running for city council, Moira dons this understated look to appeal to constituents. Mrs. Rose looks perfectly elegant in her strawberry blonde wig, which is tied at the nape of her neck.
Do you think Moira knows who Grimes is? Doubtful, but it's fun to think that she saw a photo of the electronic musician and yelled, "Oh, John! I must make haste to procure a wig that is reminiscent of this youth's tresses."
It seems like Moira was so inspired by filming
The Crows Have Eyes III that she brought one of her character wigs home from Bosnia as a souvenir. It looks like a murder of birds exploded mid-air, and its feathers were randomly glued to her scalp.
Of course, there are plenty of other wigs that didn't make the list, and there's sure to be more as Season 5 continues. After all, there's bound to be more Jazzagals performances, trips to Café Tropical, and town council meetings, and you'd better believe that when there's an event going on, Moira will be there in a new wig.