If there are any good tidings this holiday season, they come from the fact that this nightmare year is almost over, and you can just relax into a Seinfeld coma for the next week and a half. The timing is great, because Dec. 23 marks Festivus, the Frank Costanza-invented holiday that rejects all the trappings of a saccharine season. More than ever, 2016 is the perfect year to celebrate Festivus, because who has the emotional capacity for anything else?
Between the stark decorations and sharing all the problems you have with people (where to even begin?), Festivus is here to counteract all that joy that seems absent from the world. It's for the rest of us who are harboring a whole lot of anger and rage from the seemingly nonstop series of horrible events. More than ever, this anti-holiday deserves a proper revival.
If you don't have time to get all your Festivus wares together, feel free to stream "The Strike" on Hulu. If you can get your hands on some aluminum, though, I thoroughly encourage swapping out your holiday for the more-poignant-than-ever Costanza-approved traditions.
Why? Well, let's run down the all the elements that make for a great Festivus, such as...
The Festivus Pole
Unadorned (Frank finds tinsel distracting). You don't have the heart to decorate a Christmas tree this year, so let's just leave the ornaments in their boxes until 2017.
Bailing On Work
Protest! Don't let your 9-to-5 keep you from celebrating the season, especially since, let's face it, you're still amazed that you're at work on the Friday before Christmas Eve. Festivus, yes. Bagels, no.
The Opportunity To Enlighten Friends & Virtual Strangers About Your Weird Customs
If you manage to find the one person on the planet who hasn't seen Seinfeld, take them home with you right now and educate them.
The Rejection Of Capitalism
Do you really want to do present-shopping this year, or feign excitement over a re-gifted Ulta makeup kit from your aunt (like, it's missing two lip glosses)? Cut all that stress out, or better yet, just make a donation to the Human Fund in your friend's name.
Showing Up Looking Like A Hot Mess
The holidays used to be about dolling up in sequins and velvet, and now? You don't have the energy to get glam. Embrace it, show up to your aunt's house looking like you were in a shvitz for six hours.
Usually these miracles are just randos unexpectedly showing up at your house. Embrace it. Embrace the chaos, because that's all there is now.
All Those Delicious But Vague-Looking Red Foods
I don't know exactly what's being served, I just know that I could use the comfort of meat loaf right now.
The Airing Of The Grievances
If nothing else, it'll be massively cathartic to rip apart your younger brother for voting for Donald Trump at the dinner table.
The Feats Of Strength
It'll be all the more cathartic if you can manage to wrestle him to the ground.