23 Funny Tweets About Puppies For National Puppy Day 2019
National Puppy Day is Saturday, March 23, so I consulted the real expert in my home on all things dog: Peanut the Chihuahua. He'll be taking it from here.
Hello! Thank you! Excuse me while I finish licking my privates. My hooman alerted me to the most special of holidays approaching, so I did you the favor of rounding up 23 funny tweets about puppies for National Puppy Day 2019. No need to thank me. Before we get to that, though, let's talk about something really important: me.
Mom likes to tell me I'm the most beautiful creature in the world, and I think she happens to be right. I'm not just a pretty face, though — although let's be honest: that's a big part of it. Mom also tells me that I make her happier than anything, and you guys? She's right.
This thing called the Centers for Disease Control and Protection says that having a pupper in the home lowers your blood pressure and cholesterol (not sure what those words mean), makes you feel less lonely, and helps you stay active. That last one is a given. Mom likes to run after me whenever I steal papers off her desk and start eating them. I'm not sure what the big deal is.
Anyhow, here's me posing by the tub right before I got to eat bubbles.
If you're as excited as I am for National Puppy Day (also called National Peanut Day), you're going to love these funny, silly tweets.
I'm going to go back to licking my privates now. Bye!
1. Pay All Of The Attention To Me, Please
I know you hoomans always dream about cruising around in your car, wind blowing through your fur, holding hands with the love of your life. Well, here I am. You're welcome.
2. This Step Is Way Bigger Than It Looks
When your curves are more generous, getting up the steps might require a little more elbow grease than usual. Don't hate him because he's beautiful.
3. Michael Phelps Can't Touch This
Swimming when you're not in the water takes *extreme* talent. Look it up, Carol.
4. Spending Time With The Glam Squad
Just doing a little contouring before having this fluff brush for a snack.
5. From A Hair-don't To A Hairdo
Mom sometimes tells me that I'm starting to smell like the inside of a dumpster. I'm not sure what that means, but I always end up looking fabulous.
6. Puppy Torture At Its Worst
Hoomans can be so evil. They come bearing sweets and then make us perform inhumane tricks to nibble on said sweets. Evil!
7. The Ultimate Test In Self-Discipline
You don't know mental strength until you force yourself not to immediately eat a peanut butter snack sitting on your face. This is basically the hardest thing in the entire universe.
8. HECK YES A SOCK
Something comes over us when we get a sweaty sock in our mouths. I can't describe it.
9. This Is Entirely Her Fault
I am befuddled. She clearly put a long rope on her head for the purpose of playing, correct?
10. Sometimes, We Learn Lessons The Painful Way
Ugh. This makes me think of that time I tried to eat something shiny and beautiful and Mom yelled, "Peanut, don't eat those scissors!" Still no idea what the big deal is.
11. Nap Game On Point
I mean, I'm not trying to brag or anything, but puppers happen to be world experts in the field of napping.
12. Catching Some Snoozles
I guess I can understand why our people take so many pictures of us while we're sleeping. We're pretty majestic.
13. You Don't Want Your Dinner, Right?
Hoomans still don't seem to understand the number one rule of dog: If there's food in front of us, it's ours.
14. Is It Back Rub-O'Clock?
I'll let you in on the canine's all-time favorite place to be scratched. Are you ready?
15. The Most Fashion-Savvy In All The Land
+10 sexy points to this stylish friend.
16. This Seat Is Taken
He was just keeping the seat warm for her while she was away, which means he probably farted on it. *shrugs*
17. Camera Hogs
Clearly this pupper was trying to have a photo shoot and these two beasts ruined his photo opp. Rude.
18. I Don't Think He Thought This Through
Too much fluff weighing him down, I tell you.
And the Most Photogenic Dog In The World Award goes to... me. But this pupper comes in a close second.
20. Belly Tickles Are The Best
Ugh. I'm so jealous of Puppy Dewey.
21. Ah, Yes, The Infamous Head Tilting Move
My hooman thinks it's soooo cute when I do this. Little does she know I'm judging her because she talks to me in the dumbest high-pitched voice.
22. What Is This Slippery Crap?
Toby is totally in control. Toby is not slipping. Toby is doing a highly complicated dance.
23. Hi — Give Me Attention Or I'll Die
11 out of 10 experts agree the world revolves around dogs. This is fact. You can trust me. Woof.