25 Questions To Ask Your Partner That Improve Intimacy


Getting into a relationship is like moving to a new city. At first, it feels almost like a vacation, with constant discoveries. Then, you still like it, but it's just less interesting. And part of the problem is that you run out of questions to ask your partner. "In the early stages of dating, literally every piece of information you gather and share with your partner is new," emotional health expert and NYC-based psychotherapist Katherine Schafler tells Bustle. "It's not just the novelty that creates that intoxicating 'falling in love' feeling. It's the fact that someone has chosen you to share these things with, and that you've chosen someone else to share your stories with."

How close you and your partner feel isn't just about what you tell each other; it's also about what you tell other people. "When you know as much as your partner's doorman, the intoxication feeling gets diluted," says Schafler. "That's because it's not about what you know, it's about what you know in relation to everyone else in your partners life."

So, if you're looking for questions that improve intimacy, a good place to start is to ask something that they've probably never been asked before — either because it's very personal or because it's too original for them to have a canned response to. Stumped? Here are a few questions you can start with:

1. Would you want to live forever?

2. What's the biggest hardship you've ever overcome?

3. What's a strong opinion you used to hold that you turned out to be totally wrong about?

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4. What do you think happens to you after you die?

5. What could I do to make you happier in this relationship?

6. Tell me about a time I hurt your feelings and you didn't say anything.

7. What's something you'd like to change about yourself?

8. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?

9. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

10. What problem happening in the world troubles you the most?

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11. What aspect of yourself are you most insecure about?

12. What's the worst thing you've ever done?

13. Are you ever afraid that people won't like you?

14. Why did your last relationship end?

15. What don't you want me to know about you?

16. What was the longest hour of your life?

17. What was the best day of your life?

18. What's your biggest regret in life?

19. What are you most proud of?

20. When's the last time you cried?

21. What's something you've been curious about trying in bed?

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22. If I left you tomorrow, what would you miss most about me?

23. What do you wish were different about your relationship with your parents?

24. What do you want people to remember about you when die?

25. What's something you want to know about me but have been too scared to ask?

So there you have it — easy ways to build intimacy that you've probably never thought of before. Enjoy!