Whether you're expecting to be single or attached this coming Feb. 14, I don't have a lot of confidence in your ability to stay completely off of social media for Valentine's Day. This is in no way a judgement of your character... it's simply a conclusion that I can't help but draw based on the Instagram and Twitter obsession I witness around me every single day. Why should Valentine's Day be any different? What this really means is that even if you're not looking for sappy relationship posts and musings about the true meaning of love on Feb. 14, you're gonna get them — so you might as well be prepared with some content of your own. To that end, I've collected 25 Valentine's Day Instagram captions that you can use when you're feeling overwhelmed by rampant heart eye emojis taking over your feed.
There should be something here you can use whether you're celebrating alone or with an S.O. this year, plus something suited to the exact level of snark that you're trying to achieve. I can't help you with tributes to your significant other, but hopefully these ideas can stand in for anyone not trying to get too personal with Insta on V-Day. (And that, if I do say so myself, deserves a heart eye emoji.)
1. Happy Valentine's Day to myself. I love you.
2. "Falling in love is so hard on the knees." — Aerosmith
3. Darling, it's already too late to break up with me before Valentine's Day.
4. "What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork." — Pearl Bailey
5. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. It's the one day where I can sit at home, eat chocolate, and drink wine without judgement.
6. "True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
7. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Keep the flowers. I'd rather have shoes.
8. "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." — Charles M. Schulz
9. Please remember that Valentine's Day is a polite reminder that Christmas decorations must go down.
10. "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin
11. I hope you become my emergency contact person one day.
12. "Valentine's Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce and exploit gender stereotypes." — Liz Lemon
13. Thank you for secretly becoming my valentine by hearting one of my tweets on Twitter.
14. "Remember: your Valentine's card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you're too lazy to put it in your own words." — Melanie White
15. Every year in the middle of February, something wonderful and heartwarming happens. Tons of candy goes on clearance!
16. "Oh, here's an idea! Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." — Robert Pattinson
17. I like you more than Kanye likes Kanye.
18. "Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion." — Honore de Mirabeau
19. Love doesn't have a price tag on it, but all its accessories do.
20. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." — Phyllis Diller
21. My only wish today is to rush into one of my exes with my new valentine.
22. "It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week." — Laurence J. Peter
23. I love you just the way I am.
24. "Love is being stupid together." — Paul Valery
25. "Look — there's no metaphysics on earth like chocolate." — Fernando Pessoa