There's no other way to put this: I am, and have always been, an absolute nerd for Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It's basically my thing. And though I've re-watched the show in it's entirety multiple times, wow have I never truly appreciated all of the most dated moments from the Buffy pilot episode until now. I mean, on top of all of the wonderful '90s fashion moments in Buffy to be enjoyed, there's also the soundtrack, pop culture references, dialogue style and even filming style which stand out as being some of the most dated things about Buffy. But, in a good way. It's been 20 years since Buffy premiered, and though the show has obviously dated, it's just all the sweeter for it.
It's worth noting too, that this list includes dated moments from "Welcome To The Hellmouth", Buffy's pilot episode, but also the second episode, "The Harvest." And that's simply because "Welcome To The Hellmouth" ended on a cliffhanger, and I've always considered them to be the two parts of the pilot. Plus, once I started watching the pilot, I simply couldn't stop myself from instantly rewatching the next episode too. You know how it is.
So, here, I present to you all the most dated moments from those two episodes, and just know that I mean all of the following statements with absolute, total love.
1. Sunnydale High Has Absolutely No Security System
Darla and her man-snack manage to break into Sunnydale High without setting off a single alarm. Oh, the '90s. Such simpler times.
2. Xander Is Introduced Sailing Clumsily Into High School On His Skateboard
His whole entrance, which involves an entire set of loud, goofy warnings to his classmates as he crashes through them, is so beautifully '90s it deserves to be put in some kind of a museum.
3. It Is Full Of Weird, Faux-Hip Slang Terms
In these two episodes alone, we're introduced to such wonderful '90s Buffyspeak as the phrase, "What's the sitch?", which everyone seems to say and the term, "it gives me the wiggins," to imply that Buffy is scared of something.
4. James Spader Is Inexplicibly Cordelia And Buffy's Go-To Dream Babe
I mean, I totally get it — '80s and '90s Spader was an utterly irresistible, if incredibly sleazy, dreamboat of sorts. But yeah, it doesn't hold up too well now.
5. The Size Of Those Computer Monitors
Enormous. I love them.
6. This Computer Interface
So high tech. So cutting edge.
7. The Fact That Cordelia Sincerely Believes The Delete Key Is Known As The "Deliver" Key
Willow cunningly tells Cordelia that the "Deliver" key is the one that will save her work. Unbelievably, she falls for it, which is a dirty trick which simply would not work on teenagers in 2017.
8. Cordelia Insults Willow By Inferring That She Shops At Sears
Ooh. Sick burn. Especially when you consider that Cordelia, a 16-year old girl, is basically dressed like a soccer Mom at a fundraiser throughout this entire episode.
9. Those Slick Special Effects
Don't adjust your television sets, guys. That wavy screen is just Buffy showing you that something really supernatural is going down.
10. This "To Be Continued" Freeze Frame
Absolutely classic. I don't know what I love more, the fact that the image the scene is froze on is completely unclear, or that delicious, gothic typeface.
11. The Entirety Of The Credit Sequence
The '90s were an unequivocal golden era for opening credit sequences. And the Buffy one, with it's iconic Nerf Herder theme tune and sound effects (I just love that bubbling cauldron) is the absolute best.
12. Giles Referring To The Internet As "The Net" And Looking Appalled About It's Existence
He's completely disgusted about the rise of the digital age, and I'm absolutely here for it.
13. Giles' Inability To Use A Computer
Clearly, Willow is the first person to have ever used that computer in the school's library.
14. Giles' General Legitimacy As A School Librarian
In these trying times of funding cuts, I find it amazing that Sunnydale High can afford to employ a full-time librarian. Especially when it seems like Xander, Willow and Buffy are the only students actually using the place. And also when you consider that Giles keeps having super heated discussions with Buffy (the new student), in the actual school halls, without Principal Flutie pulling him to one side for his inappropriate conduct.
15. Buffy's Lavender Eyeshadow and Pink Lip Gloss Combo
Such a winning look.
16. Buffy's Shiny, Blue Pants
I know that whenever I want to do something athletic, like fighting vampires, that I also choose the shiniest, most uncomfortable pants possible to do it in. Also, what fabric are these? Leather? Satin? We may never know.
17. Buffy Wearing A Baby Blue Shirt As A Jacket
I too was guilty of this look back in the '90s and I definitely do not want to talk about it.
18. Xander's Wallet Chain
This is so not a thing anymore. Which is a shame, because this look used to legit drive me wild as a young adolescent girl. Please don't judge me.
19. Xander's Haircut
If the '90s was a person, then they would probably have this haircut.
20. Angel's Velvet Blazer And Wide Collar Shirt
Like, I know that vampires in Buffy do wear clothes that are deliberately dated, but sweet mercy. This is something else.
21. The Sheer Volume Of Cordelia's Hair
A whole bottle of mousse before blow drying and back combing for centuries.
22. Giles' Adorable Whiteboard Presentation About The Approaching Apocalypse
Yes, this seems like an appropriate place and manner with which to draw up plans about that devastating event that I'm supposed to be keeping secret. Maybe I should write the word "Hellmouth" even bigger so the whole school can see it. Or maybe I should be hiding this work inside a password protected computer program, instead.
23. This Movie Reference That I Had To Look Up
When Buffy is trying to convince Xander not to head to vampire nest to save Jesse, she tells him, "Don't Go All Wild Bunch On Me." Which I think is a reference to the 1969 western in which an outlaw gang plan one final, and extremely violent, job. The point is, it was a dated reference in 1997, but in 2017, it feels completely obscure.
24. This Fancy Edit Between Scenes
First we're watching Xander and Buffy sneaking through the underground tunnels, and then the scene is being bumped off the screen by one showing Giles in the library. It's seamless and wondrous, and so very of it's time.
25. This Totally '90s Band That Is Playing The Bronze
If you were an alt-rocker with long hair, who regularly wore a buttoned up shirt, cargo shorts, tube socks and hi-top sneakers in the '90s, then you probably played on stage in The Bronze at some point.
26. Alternative Rock Is The Only Genre Of Music Sunnydale Knows
Speaking of which, Sunnydale just adores alternative rock. Not only is the Buffy soundtrack full of alternative rock hits (I love it), but even Cordelia is shown shrieking, "I love this song!" about a grungy, brooding guitar song that no popular high school character has ever, and will ever, show love for.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that the Buffy pilot episode is probably one of the greatest in TV history. And yes, now that I've started watching it for the thousandth time, I'm probably going to have to watch the entire show all over again. A fact that I'm utterly relishing.