Exactly how many times have you wondered if your partner is "right" for you? A dozen? Two dozen? 150? Even if you're in a great, smooth-flowing relationship, there's a good chance you've asked yourself if your partner is "The One". In a society that's so fixated on people finding their soulmate and ideal match, it's hard not to spend some quality time going over the facts and figures that just might lead you to a conclusion. Is your partner a good match for you?
"At times, many of us have wondered if we have made the right choice of love partner," Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, psychotherapist and author of Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love, tells Bustle. "We have all heard that no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect... but, still you wonder if there is an easier way to do a quick 'check' on whether you and your partner make a great match."
While you can definitely fill out online quiz after online quiz, until your fingers are blue, get your Tarot Cards, or beg the stars in the night sky for a sign, (a definitive sign!), you'll probably still find yourself fumbling in the dark for an answer. But Dr. Wish has three questions that, if you're really honest with yourself, will tell you all you need to know. Mystery solved!
1Do I Actually Like How I Am In This Relationship?
Different people bring out different sides of us. Since that's the case, how we are in relationships says a lot about whether or not someone is right for us or not. If you're a total miserable jerk 24/7 simply because of how you react to your partner's actions, that's a good hint that, perhaps, your partner isn't the best fit for you.
"For example, ask yourself: 'Have I turned into a nag or a rag? A go-along to get along?'" says Dr. Wish. "Or is it 'My way or the highway?'" How you answer these questions can really say a lot about who, what, and how you are in a relationship with your partner. From there, you can decide if you want to be a "nag" or a "go-along" (or worse) forever.
2Do I Actually Like And Respect My Partner?
Although it might be easy to tell yourself that obviously you must like and respect your partner otherwise you wouldn't be with them, do you really? Stop and think about it, suggests Dr. Wish, because the answer might not be as simple as you hope.
I've had a couple partners that I didn't particular like or respect. I loved them, don't get me wrong, but when I was alone with my thoughts and was forced to face my true feelings, I realized there's a difference between love and like, and just because you love someone, it doesn't guarantee respect. Of course those relationships didn't last. If you can ask yourself this question, and not lie to yourself about it, then you'll make major strides in getting to the bottom of things.
3Could I Stand It If Our Worst Times Were Somehow Posted All Over The Internet?
Interesting thought, isn't it? And according to Dr. Wish, something to seriously consider when asking yourself if someone is "right" for you or not.
Just think about all the worst, most horrible times in your life with your partner. Got them? Now how would you feel if the world knew? Would it not be a big deal? Would you be able to laugh about it? Would the fact that you once got into a drunken brawl with each other and were arrested at your best friend's wedding be something you'd want all the prying eyes on the Internet to know? If the worst times you've shared with your partner is the type of stuff you'd rather take to the grave than advertise to anyone, then that says something. We all have bad times with our partners; we all argue and even go a little off the rails, but if the behavior is so outrageous that you're beyond mortified, then it's something to think about.
While there may not be a mathematical equation that will figure out if someone is "right" for you or not, asking yourself these specific questions can help. You may not like the answer you come up with and you may not come up with the truth the first time around, but eventually you'll get there. When you do, you'll be able to decide your next move.