Amongst the most vivid memories I have of Kate Middleton and Prince William's wedding in 2011, there are three that stand out: Middleton's
gorgeous, lace dress; that epic photo of a three-year-old bridesmaid clasping her hands over her ears and pouting as Middleton and Prince William kiss; aaaand the ridiculous amount of novelty items pegged to the royal wedding that were being sold both in the UK and online. Some of the more random items included a toilet seat cover with Kate and William's faces on it (royal throne, anyone?), royal wedding-themed sick bags, and a souvenir mug celebrating the wedding... with the wrong brother's face on it next to Middleton's. These types of products may seem silly, but they exist for good reason: They sell, and they sell well. Unsurprisingly, the amount of hilarious Meghan Markle and Prince Harry novelty items pegged to their upcoming wedding on May 19 is just as huge. In fact, their faces have pretty much taken over every gift and tourist shop in the United Kingdom.
During a recent trip to the UK, I made it my mission to find the weirdest novelty royal wedding items in existence. With suggestions from Britain's official visitor's guide,
Visit Britain, I popped in to pretty much every single tourist gift shop I could find in both London and Windsor to check out all of the wonderfully weird items being sold ahead of the big day. While I didn't come across any toilet seat covers in person, I did manage to find a few items that I never knew I needed until I saw them. Hey, as the great philosopher Mick Jagger once said: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.
OK, to be honest, I don't know what a tea towel is. (And,
considering The Huffington Post published a full article in 2014 titled "What The Heck Are Tea Towels, Anyway?," I think it's safe to say I'm not alone.) But hey, if you want one, you might as well get one with Prince Harry and Markle's faces on them alongside their respective countries' flags!
Another less intricate design for you, in case you've got more of a minimalist aesthetic.
Yeah, there were a lot of tea towels.
Look, all I'm saying is, there's only one Meghan Markle, and nobody will be fooling anyone into thinking otherwise if they wear this thing.
I think I'd play poker more often if these were the standard playing cards used in games.
I imagine this tastes like dreams coming true, maybe with a hint of peppermint.
These plates don't have Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's faces on them, because they're from the official
Windsor Castle Royal Collection Shop, aka they're ~classier~ than other options. Instead, we get an "H" and an "M," presumably standing for "Harry" and "Meghan" (although "HM" is also the acronym for "Her Majesty The Queen," so it also works if you really like the Queen... or the clothing store H&M). You can also buy this online from the Royal Collection's official royal wedding line for £49.00. Royal Wedding Official Commemorative Plate, £49.00, Royal Collection Shop
In case you're planning a royal wedding-themed holiday party... in May, you can also pick up these Buckingham Palace-themed Champagne ornaments from the Royal Collection Shop, or order them online.
Buckingham Palace Champagne Ornaments, £14.95, Royal Collection Shop
There's nothing better than mini bottles of Champagne... unless they're mini bottles of Champagne branded for the royal wedding. You can find these at the Royal Collection Shop on the Windsor Castle grounds.
A Whole Book About Prince Harry & Meghan Markle's Engagement
Honestly, Just Look At This Entire Table Of Royal Wedding Stuff
Cups, pillboxes, tea towels, plates, shot glasses... you could literally dedicate your kitchen to the royal wedding if you wanted to, and
I love it. Royal Wedding Line, Price varies, Royal Collection Shop
A Royal Engagement Ring-Inspired Necklace
Inspired by the ring Prince Harry proposed to Markle with, this official royal family necklace is actually fairly affordable: £30.00 at the Royal Collection Shop!
Buckingham Palace Statement Pendant, £30.00, Royal Collection Shop
Royal Engagement Ring-Inspired Earrings
A Literal Replica Of The Engagement Ring
How lit/creepy would it be if I bought this, the necklace, and the earrings, and then wore them at once?
Buckingham Palace Statement Ring, £30.00, Royal Collection Shop
This was probably the cheapest item I saw for sale at the Royal Collection Shop, at only 75p. So hey, there's something for everyone!
Imagine a life where you actually use a bell on a daily basis. Now, imagine that bell being this one. You've just imagined my new life goal.
Honestly, as far as magnets go, this one is pretty understated. If I were Harry or Markle, this is probably the magnet I'd put on my fridge.
This is probably not the magnet I would have on my fridge if I were Prince Harry or Markle, mostly because you literally cannot see their faces on it.
A Thimble With A Photo Of Markle That Is Clearly From A Red Carpet Appearance
After you sew with your Harry/Meghan thimble, you can sate your appetite by eating with one of these Harry/Meghan spoons.
To... put your spoons in?
To... put your other tote bag of spoons in?
There were, of course, many mugs with Prince Harry and Markle's faces on them, but none were marked down to "special prices" of £12.99 like this one.
Another Engagement Ring Replica
I'm gonna take a little leap here and guess that at £10.00, those diamonds... are not real.
Designed by artist
Milly Green, these mugs absolutely win the award for most adorable royal wedding novelty items. Just look at them!
Also using designs by
Milly Green, this notebook and pen set seems like the perfect thing to get someone who has a lot of feelings about the royal wedding, but nowhere to write them down. Aka me. Someone help me, please.
If you don't drink this tea — packaged in designs by artist
Milly Green — out of the aforementioned mugs also designed by Green, I'm sorry, I can't be friends with you.
Featuring designs by UK artist
Julia Gash, these magnets don't just include Prince Harry and Markle — they include all the other living royal couples too! Love and happiness indeed.
Coasters, also featuring designs from
Julia Gash. For your royal Champagne, perhaps?
Also featuring designs from
Julia Gash. Look, at this point, you might as well go all out.
A Prince Harry Bobblehead
While these don't have eye-holes — so good luck seeing anything while you're wearing them — at least these masks won't make you look like you're a possessed extra in
The Shining. It's the little things, you know?
If you don't use this exclusively for
Harry & Meghan: A Royal Engagement, I don't even know who you are anymore.
How much fridge space do people have in the UK? Because with the amount of magnets I've seen, I'd guess a lot.
Which slightly different photo do I want on my magnet?! I don't know anymore!
Another Slightly Different But Still Similarly Designed Mug
This one doesn't actually include the wedding date, and instead names the date Prince Harry and Markle announced their engagement — so it might be more of a ~nostalgia~ product at this point. Ah, memories.
Coasters With That Same 2013 Red Carpet Photo
Once again, this coaster utilized an image from a red carpet appearance Markle made years ago. What does it say about me that I know this much about her previous red carpet appearances?
So you're saying for £9.99 I get a mini container that has Markle and Prince Harry's faces on it...
and I get to put random stuff in it?! I can't say this will match with the decor in my room, but hey, when in Windsor.
There is nothing more practical.
If you ever go on a date with someone who is carrying this keychain, marry them.
More Bookmarks In Every Color Imaginable
Except green. There's no green bookmark.
A Bunting That Will Apparently Make 10 Flags
Look, I'm not saying the American flag isn't great... but I'm not
not saying we shouldn't consider making this the official American flag.
With Prince Harry and Markle set to wed on May 19, I'm sure this isn't the last we'll see of hilarious novelty items created to commemorate them. With any luck, maybe some will make their way to U.S. gift shops. After all, Markle
is American — this is totally our celebration too.