To some, great sex is mercurial and magical and arrives just when you least expect it. To others, great sex takes work, but you're more likely to know when it's going to, uh, come. Although there is no one way to achieve a sick session, there are plenty of reasons why working on your sex game can make for better sex.
The idea of a "sexual soulmate" always seemed unrealistic to me. Sure there can be fantastic one night stands where you meet a new person, barely communicate, and yet somehow your bodies manage to take over and provide a completely bewitching below-the-belt experience. A lot of the time, however, it's the folks you "practice" with who provide the mind blowing moments where one orgasm stretches into two into three into the sexual stratosphere. (Good sex always calls for space metaphors, obvs.)
Because of this, I've found that the hours of horizontal training you put in with a person is what really makes for the most memorable encounters. In that sense, anyone can become your sexual soulmate if there's attraction and desire to explore your mutual pleasure together.
Here are five reasons why working towards great sex is part of the fun:
1Honing Your Communication Skills Makes For Better Sex
Although many a classic rom com depicts toe curling, perfectly choreographed sex happening without a word uttered, let's be real: communication is crucial for consent. And not only is it important to let your partner know what you're down (and not so) down for, it also has been shown to increase your pleasure, too.
One study 2015 study by the Medical University of Vienna found that women with sexual dysfunction who used an oxytocin nasal spray and those who were given a placebo both reported improved sex lives. The common denominator? Communicating with their partners for the sake of the study.
3Trying New Things Can Only Happen With Communication
One of the best parts about getting older is expanding your sexual repertoire. We're not all born knowing every Kama Sutra position and how to fist, give oral, or do anal, but many of us are born with the desire to try new things. And once you have bedroom communication on lock, the sky's the limit to what (and who) you can do.
3Expecting Perfect Sex Without Effort Can Diminish Your Experience
You can't help how you were socialized to view sex, but if you happen to believe in "sexual soulmates," then you might be in for sub par sex in your life.
A recent set of studies published in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology found that folks who expect sex to effortlessly be awesome are in for trouble when their sex lives don't meet their expectations, but those who believe sex takes work will have higher levels of satisfaction. As the study authors note in Broadly: "individuals reported more positive sexual experiences and higher relationship quality on days when they more strongly endorsed the notion that sexual satisfaction requires work."
4Achieving New Levels Of Sexual Pleasure Feels Good
Setting a goal and reaching it in your sex life can be just as rewarding as doing the same for your career or your health. Yes, sex feels good, but sex you've spent time tailoring to suit you and your partner's needs feels even better.
5Being An Active Participant In Your Sex Life Bodes Well For Your Relationships, Too
Not only does taking an active role in your sex life make for more oxytocin and more pleasure, but it also will impact the rest of your relationship with your partner(s).
Whether you're in a committed coupling or a friends-with-benefits kind of thing, working on your sex game will impact your happiness quotient both inside and outside of the bedroom. In sex, as in everyday life, you get out what you put in.